So, if you haven’t been there before, then you may not know that in most women’s minds and hearts, things like concern, worry, hopes and dreams happen with the very onset of the idea of pregnancy and/or adoption planning.
(If you’re a mom already, you’re probably thinking … no kidding!)
Let me tell you how I learned this little tidbit about mothers. My first child was due on New Year’s Day and we joked that there would be no tax break for us that year – because of course we thought that babies kept their due dates. (We were what some Southern women would call the epitome of “bless their hearts” as new parents.)
With a possible New Year’s Day birthday, I had already started praying for him to turn twenty-one at midnight. Yep, that is how creative us moms can be! I would like to blame Braxton-Hicks, insomnia, and exhaustion on my new level of crazy thoughts, but I just can’t – I was already so in love with this little guy that all reason had gone out the window.
I also imagined a birth story much like the programs on TLC. I observed thirty minute episode after episode as if I was doing research for my upcoming delivery. There was sweet preparation, calm-yet-excited travel to the hospital, and then joyous births. I bought into the lie HOOK, LINE & SINKER.
“No! I am not going into labor twelve days before Christmas!”
“Stop this baby from coming!”
“What do you mean a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) can bring on contractions and early labor?”
“Thanks for telling me you are on call on Christmas. We won’t be needing you that day!”
Yep – those are all things I said during the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy. So, with UTI medicine (since I was drinking gallons of water like a first-time mama is supposed to do) and no sleep I became even more adamant that I would deliver near my due date. On December 23rd, my husband went with me to my weekly doctor appointment – probably out of fear of what I was going to say or do when I met with my OBGYN. It’s a good thing he was there, because I unraveled and all of my new mom emotions came out. I cried buckets of tears over being sick and tired of pregnancy and motherhood with all the guilt in the world, because I had learned from TLC that I should be happy. I was nowhere near happy.
After the doctor calmed me down, she said, “who knows? I will probably see you in a couple days! I bet you have him on Christmas Day.” This then brought on more buckets of tears and bewildered looks from both my husband and the doctor. To possibly have a New Year’s Eve or Day baby was already enough; the idea of sharing all of his birthdays with Christmas was out of the question.
At 7:23 pm on December 25th, 2002, our son entered the world. It was not what I wanted, dreamed, or thought would happen. It was better. It was an amazing journey and gift to hold him … I couldn’t believe he was ours.
By 10:00 pm, all was quiet and I was trying to nurse him. To my surprise, it wasn’t easy or picturesque like I had imagined. It was then that the significance of the “calendar day” rushed over me and I was engulfed with worries and tears. I looked at my husband and declared that we should have tried to wait until 12:01 am on December 26th to ensure a non-holiday birth date. He looked at me and rubbed my hair back. He told me he loved me and that all the crazy talk wasn’t going to change anything. He was right … and after a while, I re-focused on our son. But … that new nagging voice in my head started in. You might have one, too. From that point forward, I knew that I would make sure his birthday was significant no matter what.
Then, the quote “mothers do more research than the FBI” became real to me. I looked for books, websites and mommy chat boards on how to celebrate same-day holidays and birthdays. (This was eleven years ago, well before the mommy blog movement.) I came up with NOTHING. Truly nothing. I turned to my friends who I knew had near-holiday birthdays for advice and that is where I struck gold.
I learned that it really did depend on how their parents celebrated their special day. Some stated clearly that “combination gifts” (one gift for birthday AND Christmas) were not allowed. Others lamented that they ONLY got “combination gifts.” Some were clear that birthday presents must be wrapped in birthday paper and that birthday cake must be served on the birthday no matter how many pies, cookies, and treats were also on the menu. The bottom line was that I was the keeper of the birthdays and that it was up to me – no matter if it was Christmas Day, mid-July or any other time of the year.
Specialness is created out of love, care, and traditions. So – that is what I have focused on for the last eleven years. Here is how our Christmas/birthday plays out – and I hope it helps other mamas who are facing this new opportunity and challenge:
> Friend Party: Typically the first weekend of the month. [Too many snowed-out parties later in the month.]
> Plan: Make a solid plan with family who will be there for Christmas/birthday and work together.
> NO Combination Gifts: never.
> Budget!: If you are already spending for Christmas, be ready with what you would spend on birthday presents any other time of year for a non-holiday birthday.
> Wrapping Paper Matters!: Get real birthday cards and wrap. Do it up right!
> Timing: Try to have the birthday party time well after the Christmas morning and lunch. We usually go for 3 pm.
> Neutral Location: We host the birthday party time in the kitchen. I have barely anything Christmas-y in the kitchen so it can be all about the birthday.
> Keep It Up: Just because your child is growing up, doesn’t mean that the birthday traditions need to stop.
> Be Positive: If you sell it as a bad day for a birthday, you will soon have your child believing it. Mine thinks it is the best day of the entire year.
> Breathe: It won’t always be easy or fair, but it works if you love the snot out of your holiday baby (or any other birthday-day for that matter).
Motherhood, children and life are not something we can control – but we can participate in all three with intentionality, grace, and love. All three of those are the stuff that truly makes life together exceptional.
PS. No, not all babies born on Christmas are placed in cute stockings – especially if they are born at Menorah Medical Center. Personally, I’m glad he wasn’t because the day was his birthday and it just happened to be Christmas.
PPS. He is well-adjusted, kind, and not greedy – my biggest fears on that first night … his birthday on Christmas Day.
My greatest worry from 12-25-02.
I now know that it works out just fine. Whew.
I went into labor with our oldest son in Christmas, he was born the next day. Oddly, our girls were born the day after St. Patrick’s day (a holiday our family gets together for, but no gifts). We end up seeing a lot of family for a couple of days. We’ve used several of your guidelines to make the birthdays special. Thanks for sharing.