I honestly can’t tell you how this happened.
Some families seem destined for homeschooling. We are not one of those families. Some parents cite an inadequate learning environment or feel more equipped to give their children an education while others cite moral or religious reasons for teaching their children at home.
And then, there’s my gang: a busy, disorganized, loud, hot mess of a family about to embark on our first year of homeschooling. From the outset – and partially to avoid losing the public school crowd 😉 – I want to be clear that in many areas related to parenting and family life, what’s best for us may not be best for you. I recognize this, and I assume you do, as well. That being said, here are a handful of thoughts I have on accepting, and preparing for, life as a homeschool family.
1. It’s not about you.
I am lucky to count as friends a number of great public and private school administrators, educators, and staff members. If I could sit each one of them down over our favorite drinks at The Roasterie one Saturday morning and tell them that our decision to homeschool had nothing to do with them, I would. If I were going to homeschool based on an experience with another educator, it would be because of my kindergarten teacher, Miss Braden, who laughed at me after I stapled my head while making feather headbands at Thanksgiving.
But it’s not about you, Miss Braden.
2. It’s not about you, either.
One thing I’ve noticed about people – even our own family and friends – is that a good many of them have a number of preconceived notions about what it means to homeschool. Many of them look and sound like this …
… and while I can appreciate the concerns of those who don’t want us to turn into, well, that, I also can’t help but notice that a number of these concerns are based on one or two experiences they had with “a homeschool family they used to know” (or even worse, a homeschool family they heard about from someone else or one they read about on the internet. Or the Duggars.). While we weren’t expecting overwhelming support from those closest to our family, I rest easy knowing that we didn’t need it, either. Here’s why …
3. It IS about focusing our time together as a family.
When people ask my husband and I about our reasons for homeschooling, our answer is simple: time. We want to make the most of our time together as a family during Javan and Tiras’ most important years (developmentally speaking), and we want to know that we gave them the individual attention we feel they need to succeed. That’s it. There’s sacrifice here, to be sure – income, time that we could spend doing other things (though really, what’s more important than this?) – and I recognize that there are many who want to choose this route but can’t, for any number of reasons. While saying that “time” is our answer may seem simple for us, it’s not that simple for everyone. Knowing what’s best for our families and living that out on a daily basis is the best that any of us can do.
4. A note on “socialization”: the 15,000-pound elephant in the homeschool classroom.
If I had a quarter for every time I’ve heard the word “socialization” mentioned in a conversation about homeschooling, I’d be one rich homeschooling mom. The next time I hear someone question the socialization of my sons, I will challenge them to name three positive social skills acquired by children in traditional school that my children won’t acquire at home – and while they’re coming up with their list, the boys and I will probably be on a field trip to Prairiefire or hanging out with our friends at Awana on a Wednesday night. (One of my favorite quotes on this subject is from comedian Tim Hawkins: “Homeschooling? But what about socialization?” “When you go to public school, what do you get in trouble for? SOCIALIZING!”)
5. I have no idea what I’m doing … and that’s okay.
The amount of resources available to homeschool families is overwhelming – but in a good way, especially for newbies like us. Now just more than two months away from the start of Javan’s kindergarten/first grade year (we’re skipping ahead to first grade-level learning, but again, not because of Miss Braden), I say without hesitation that I have no idea what I’m doing: but I know that there are moms who have been here before (or who are here right now) who are willing and available to pour into me so that I can pour into my sons on a daily basis. How cool is that?
If you’re a homeschool mom, I’d love to connect with you and learn more about your journey into homeschooling! Feel free to leave me a comment here or on our Facebook page.
Tonya, I am so excited for you as you embark on this journey! We homeschooled our three children for 20+ years and just signed our youngest son’s high school diploma. No matter what a “hot mess” your household seems, I always said it was easier to teach them myself than try to find matching shoes and socks and get everyone out the door five times a week.
Others have probably given you this advice, but I would strongly suggest joining the Home School Legal Defense Association, as well as one of the local Kansas City groups such as Midwest Parent Educators. I wrote a little ebook with some other tips http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Waste-Your-Time-Homeschooling-ebook/dp/B00HRL6Z1S/ref=zg_bs_157402011_8
It’s a bestseller in the “parent participation in education” category, but I can’t seem to beat the Duggars in the homeschooling category! Feel free to email me if you have other questions. And have a ball–it goes by so quickly!
haha! I loved this post. It made me laugh out loud several times. As a mom who plans to send my kids to public schools, I really enjoyed and appreciated your thoughts! Thanks for sharing! I’m excited for you and your family!
Thank you, Jenn! I enjoy making people laugh out loud (especially at my expense … haha).
Hi Tonya,
Thanks so much for sharing! We too, have made the decision to home school this year – A friend who knew the struggles we are currently facing, forwarded your post to me! Book after book, research after research, the biggest challenge has been the response from people we know. We too have done research and not taken our decision lightly. There is a book called Learning at Home: A Mother’s Guide To Homeschooling and it had the best line in it; I’ve shared it with all of my friends.
“I remember an exchange I had with a teacher who could not understand why I would not want to put my children in her class. I asked her if she enjoyed her job. She said she did. I asked her if she enjoyed helping children learn to read. She did. I told her I enjoyed that, too. I liked being a part of the process of my child learning to read or learning other things about the world. I enjoyed being able to observe the insights that my children had as they connect one thing with another. She seemed more relaxed after that conversation. My reasons for homeschooling were not against her or other members of the teaching profession. My reasons were personal and positive, similar to her reasons for choosing to be a teacher.”
We enrolled my daughter in summer school this year, before we had made our decision to home school. Although it has been such a great experience for her to ride the bus, make friends, and have time away from home – it had been the most hectic, argumentative period in our home life. We set out clothes the night before, still struggling each morning to get dressed, brush teeth, eat, and make the bus.
We are a family who loves to travel – My husband will has a one month sabbatical from work in the Fall, and we had planned on taking our girls all over the U.S. When we spoke with the woman in charge of attendance, her response was, “If your daughter misses more than 2 weeks of school, we have the right to call DFS.” I completely understand that there are attendance policies in place in the public school system. However, I can’t lie that the statement was a hard punch in the stomach, forcing me to cancel a once in a life time trip around the U.S, or take the opportunity to home school as we travel to Yosemite, Mount Rushmore, Canada, and more once in a life time experiences. Ironically, through my research of home school, have found that kindergarten is not required in the state of MO. A friend who is a teacher in the Liberty School District was shocked that was her response and said that unfortunately teachers and staff are faced with numbers – They probably had gotten ‘dinged’ with their attendance.
We plan to take our home school journey one year at a time. Each year, including the year my second daughter arrives to kindergarten, we will re-evaluate to ensure it is meeting our family unit’s needs, our daughter’s educational level, and we will take each year the decision as seriously as we did the first.
I appreciate your courage to step forward with your decision and share your experience! MO is one of the top homeschooling states in the nation, our home school students are set up for success, with the average home school student graduating at age 16!
Thank you for your post!
Jamie Goodwin
Oh, and a P.S. as a side, note, I believe you won a t-shirt at the Train Festival, but we couldn’t get a hold of you ; )
Oh, and I would love to share your post on Northland Kansas City Macaroni Kid’s Facebook page if that is ok? I think this would be a great time to share with our readers that we have also chosen to home school!
Jamie – you have my permission to share my post, but only after I get my t-shirt! 😉
Seriously, though, I would be honored to have you share it with your readers. Your comments here have truly blessed my socks off! I’m so excited to hear about another parent willing to take a hard look at their child’s education and to step outside “the norm” to give them what they know they need. I had an interesting exchange with a cashier at Target just today: my oldest son told her (rather excitedly) that we were buying new crayons and colored pencils to use during homeschool (which we started this week at his request – a TOTAL surprise for this TOTALLY UNPREPARED momma!) and she said to me, “I admire you for doing that. I always wanted to, but never thought I could. You’re very brave.” How many parents (and kids) miss out on this opportunity simply because of fear: of the unknown, of other people’s opinions, etc.? I don’t ever want to be “that mom.”
It IS a very serious decision, though, and one which you’ve clearly given a lot of thought. I’m so excited for you! I bet that you will do great.
Thanks so much for connecting with me, Jamie. Good luck to you in your journey this year! Tonya
My pleasure! And hoping to see you and some of the Northland homeschool co-ops and events this year?!