Hey, so I heard “we” are potty training. You are? How awesome. Wait can I have your mother’s phone number? I’d really like to have a chat with her about why her 20-40 something daughter still uses a diaper. Oh no, that’s not what you meant? Hmm.
Well I also heard that “we” are working on sleeping through the night. That seems a little more plausible. Anxiety filled nights can keep you from sleeping I get that. Wait no? You were really talking about your child? I mean I know you have to get up too, but are you REALLY the one who is working through the issue.
So here’s a question, how many of your child’s victories are your victories? How many of their setbacks are your setbacks? I get being a parent is all consuming but how much of you is still you? Do you remember not too long ago when your husband told everyone that “we are pregnant.” I’m sure his swollen ankles, aching back and heartburn were just terrible. Every time you waddled through the grocery store and picked up the beer your couldn’t partake of you really felt like both of you were pregnant.
Seriously though, I’ve done it myself but I’m trying hard to let my sons triumphs be theirs, to be their cheerleader and support but not more. I’m not the queen, so no “royal we” for me. It seems to be epidemic though, in playgroups, Facebook posts, coffee shops, where ever moms gather you hear the royal we. It just grates on my nerves whenever I hear or see it, like fingernails on a chalkboard!
We don’t usually change from negative reactions though (has this political season taught me nothing?) so I’ll stop ranting now and tell all of you moms out there, YOU are doing a great job. A lot of the work of a mom is invisible, little things that keep everyone running that no one would ever notice unless it wasn’t done, so there aren’t a lot of clear accomplishments.
It’s endless and maybe that’s why the “we” is so appealing. You don’t have to jump on board with whatever your kid is working on. You can have victories all your own. Remember all those books you read to your kids? The times you calmly explain things instead of flying off the handle? All of the work and stress you juggle for your family?
You mom are wonderful, you don’t need the “we.”