“Can I Spend the Night?” (on Cultivating Sibling Friendships)

securedownloadMy husband and I have been very fortunate in that both of our children go to bed easily. (See my advice on putting kids to bed awake here). They both love reading books, singing songs, and saying prayers before bed time. Recently, they decided together  that they wanted to spend the night together every night. We thought this sounded like a fun idea, especially because it was summertime, so we let them.

Our daughter is still in a crib, so my son would lie on a pallet on the floor, right next to her bed. If something happens that prevents them from spending the night together, they are both devastated. We are cherishing this because, while we hope they are always close, we know how short-lived this phase might be. We love listening to them talk and giggle and get a kick out of hearing our son telling our daughter to be quiet so he can get some sleep! We have loved this phase and hope it lasts for a long time!

Their nightly “slumber parties” got me thinking, however, about different things we can do to help grow their friendship as siblings. There is so much to be said for just encouraging children to play together, with their siblings, but I thought there might be more. I want to do all I can to foster a friendship between them. I found a great PBS article, “Five Tips for Cultivating Sibling Friendships” that suggests these tips:

  1. Create opportunities for kids to help each other.   Give your children practical ways to help one another around the house. My son loves to help my daughter read books (even though he can’t read himself!). He also likes to help her get things she can’t reach, throw and catch balls and learn to ride her scooter. She loves to help him by getting things for him, helping him pick up his toys, and getting him drinks and snacks (notice whose helpfulness is more service-oriented!).
  2. Let them play crazy games together. Our babies are only little once. They won’t always want to make my pantry their “office” or go on imaginary trips to hotels in big trucks. The important part is that they are having fun playing together.
  3. Insist they respect each other. While we all know siblings are not always going to get along, it is important that they respect one another. We don’t allow our kids to physically fight with one another or call names (except for the occasional “poopy baby” which has been coming out of both of my children’s mouths). There are escalated arguments that occur from time to time, and we think it’s okay for them to sort the issue out between the two of them (most of the time) … but they always end with an apology, hug, and an “I love you.” Again, I know we won’t always be able to control this, but I’m hopeful this will shape how they would choose to respond to conflict as teenagers and adults.
  4. Shake up the friendships. Because we have two children, it is natural for them to be one another’s playmate in our house. However, for families with more children, the article suggests pairing up those children who aren’t as close in age, or who aren’t likely to play together, taking them on special trips for ice cream, etc. to allow them the opportunity to spend time together.
  5. Look for acts of kindness. I love this idea. Who doesn’t want to raise children with a servant’s heart?! I love the idea of encouraging children to do small acts of kindness for their siblings – even posting a list of these acts in your home. I’ve seen so many ideas for random acts of kindness during the holidays; why not introduce the concept with your own family year-round?

I know, this list doesn’t say anything about letting children have slumber parties together each night – but I truly do feel like they are best friends. I can only hope and pray that their bond continues long after my son realizes it’s not cool to sleep on the floor every night! In the meantime, I’m definitely going to give some of these ideas a try. Won’t you?

Allison
Allison is wife to John and mom to three blue-eyed blondes: a six year-old son, a three-year old daughter and a four-month old baby girl. She spends her non-summer days teaching middle school reading and writing and is excited to be writing for an adult audience! When not teaching, she can be found at local parks, taking her children on stroller rides, pushing the car-carts at the grocery store, or ordering vanilla lattes or Diet Dr. Pepper fountain pops. Allison loves decorating her home and tries to keep a good balance between kid-friendly and not kid-run. She enjoys cooking and making meals that are taste bud-friendly for both adults and kids. She is always excited to throw a good party and loves any reason to host family and friends in her home. Allison also blogs for AWG's (Best Choice) Mom Blog and runs Sincerely Design Co .