Do I Really Need a Doula?

Birth has been the most transformative experience of my life. I have learned the miraculous ability of my body and have been empowered through the inner strength I never knew I had. I had a doula with all three of my children and can’t imagine ever giving birth without one.  My husband would agree!

Jessica Sexton, doula and pre-/post-natal yoga instructor says “a doula is an educated caregiver, devoted to nurturing the sacred experience of birth – before, during, & after. A woman who supports the mother while allowing her chosen birth partner to be as involved as they feel comfortable. I believe that every woman has a divine claim to the privilege of loving support during this tenderest of times in her life.” Research shows that “overall, women who received continuous support (with a doula) were more likely to have spontaneous vaginal births and less likely to have any pain medication, epidurals, negative feelings about childbirth, vacuum or forceps-assisted births, and C-sections. In addition, their labors were shorter by about 40 minutes and their babies were less likely to have low Apgar scores at birth.”

The physical and emotional support my doula gave during labor is what made all the difference in the world.

I am blessed to be married to a very loving and supportive man, so in no way did having a doula impede on our special connection and his important role during labor. There were many times I needed him to hold my hand and give me words of encouragement, but I was also having intense back labor and needed a very deep massage on my lower back to give me relief – which is exactly what my doula did every (and I mean every!) contraction.

It was also nice to have someone by my side when my husband had to go to the bathroom, eat some food or call our babysitter to check up on our other children at home.

2014-05-05 13.55.45

With my first two births, I dilated quickly but the placenta was holding the baby up pretty high. My doula had me in the most incredible acrobatic positions to help lower the baby. Even though I felt like I was in a circus show, it sure did the trick! My doula knew exactly what to say and when to say it, she knew when to take a step back to let my husband and I have our space and when she needed to have her hands on me.

She made sure that both my husband and I had everything we needed.

As well as giving me positive affirmations and supporting me physically, she also made sure I was always hydrated, pulled my hair back in a ponytail when needed, did acupressure, reflexology and used essential oils to help relieve the pain and speed up labor. She was constantly getting cold washcloths for my forehead and checking in with my husband to make sure he had everything he needed, as well. In fact, my husband thinks that our doula helped him in being able to best support me, just as much as I felt she helped me.

2014-05-05 13.29.39

A doula really helps to support the mother in getting the birth she wants.

With my 1st birth, a hospital birth, I felt pressured and harassed to get an epidural because I was not progressing as fast as the hospital would’ve liked. My doula was able to give me the information I needed and the piece of mind that I (and baby) were doing just fine. She helped me to stay strong and positive when the doctors told me I had a “dysfunctional labor” because I was not following the “1 cm. an hour protocol.”

A doula can be a much-needed advocate in stressful situations. If it wasn’t for my doula during my first birth I know I would have ended up being bullied into a C-section. I am so grateful that she helped me to stand my ground.

My doula, Nada Cartmill, who was with me for my second and third births at New Birth Company met with me, and my husband, several times during my pregnancy so that we could get to know each other and prepare a birth plan. We also spent this time talking about my fears and expectations of birth and working through the trauma of my first birth experience.

When I asked Nada about what she thought about the importance of her role during a mother’s birth, this is what she said:

Every woman gives birth in her own way, and throughout time, women have been helping women during the process. As a doula, I know the women I serve are stronger than they think sometimes. I’m there to remind them who they are and what they are capable of, to believe in her when she is struggling to believe in herself.

Could she do it on her own? Absolutely! But she doesn’t have to.

The right kind of support makes a difference in the way a woman experiences her labor and birth. A doula bears witness to the birth of a mother as well as a baby. She is there to cheer her on, wipe her brow, hold her hand, rub her back, listen to her primal sounds and be with her as she meets her self in her full glory.

Sometimes, it’s the partner who benefits the most from having a doula at their birth. It’s like having your childbirth educator with you in the moment, taking the pressure off the partner’s shoulders to have to remember everything or know what to do next. Having a doula at your birth is like having your own personal fairy godmother, no magic wand but the wisdom of calming presence and encouraging words at just the right moments.

IMG_5247

I am blessed to know many incredible doulas in the Kansas City area. Doulas of Greater Kansas City is a great resource for finding a doula in your area. Another good resource is doulamatch.net. Jessica Sexton says that when looking for a doula, “the birth partners should feel a connection with her. A doula provides support on many levels, if you don’t feel comfortable in her presence when you’re not in labor, that probably won’t change when you are. Ask about how she sees her role in your birth. You want someone who will uphold your ideals, not hers. A good doula acknowledges that mom’s chosen birth partner is a vital part of the team as well. Doulas are not just for mamas, they provide comfort for everyone.”

Daniella Silver
Daniella has three kids and lives in Overland Park, Kansas. She is an educational consultant, holistic health coach and natural parenting/healthy living blogger. Both her and her husband love to cook wholesome nutritious meals for the family. She loves health and wellness and enjoys giving workshops and food demos on healthy eating for the family! She is originally from Los Angeles but has been living in Kansas for the last four years. She loves juicing, baby wearing, yoga, connecting with other mamas, going to farmer's markets and taking her kids on fun adventures! Follow her blog This American Mama on Facebook or visit her website at www.daniellasilver.com.