I’m not sure when it dawned on me that I was the momma of lots of littles. Having three in diapers, perhaps. Or, perhaps when I found myself holding three vomiting children at one time, all around my expanding belly as they all came down with a violent flu bug the day after my husband left for a two week, out-of-the-country business trip. Yes, spit-up, breast milk and poop are all a part of my regular day-to-day vocabulary. In fact, I’ve not had a full day without someone crying and/or in a noisy timeout in over five years, usually both at the same time for much of the day. It’s noisy, messy and unpredictable. But, as crazy as this sounds, I wouldn’t trade these short few years for anything.
As a family, we try our best to evaluate each situation for minors and majors and have determined the following thus far.
Minors
Schedules: With my first child, I will admit I would get intense at times. Naptime was never delayed by more than five minutes and starting solids was a regimented and well-documented experience. Now, four children into this mothering thing, I’ve realized that as essential as early bedtimes are, routines are more realistic than a “schedule.” Rather than focusing on the clock, I look for my children’s signals. I have a hopeful plan of events for a day, and we make our way through them step by step. My goal is to be tuned into their needs in each experience rather than the clock. Most importantly, I’m learning daily to be confident about doing what works best for our family regardless of anyone’s expectations, including my own.
The Joneses: With the expenses even just so far of four little ones, my husband and I have had no choice but to surrender any hope of being able to keep up with “the Joneses.” With social media, the reminder that we cannot compete with the latest fashions, elaborate birthday parties, extravagant vacations is ever prevalent and we’ve started talking to our children now about this now. We make a point to face what our children don’t have head on and walk them through this fact of life. This habit of gratitude is a lifelong skill and takes years to perfect, but starting young is crucial.
Gender roles: There are very few gender specific chores in our home because, let’s face it, we all are needing just about all the help we can get. One of the best things our family ever experienced was to have two full-time working parents for a period as my husband and I learned early on to share the tedious tasks of running a household and raising children as it solidified our commitment to unity in this parenting journey.
Majors
Team-mindness: Starting at two years old, our children are expected to, with guidance, actively participate in household chores. Example chores:
- 2 years old – clear table, empty silverware from dishwasher, bring dirty laundry down, take clean laundry up, return shoes to closets from the shoe basket
- 3 years old – all of the above plus clean up room, set table, empty dishwasher, fold washcloths and dish towels,
- 5 years old – all of the above plus making beds, preparing simple breakfasts, sweeping, wiping down table and counters and feeding the baby a bottle.
One Day Zero Day: We designate at least once a week to spend a whole day at home cleaning, organizing and otherwise catching up as a family.Many times this means I end up spending the majority of the day helping my children through “character challenges” since staying in close proximity of each other for 24 hours tends to bring out opportunities for attitude adjustments. However, these moments, we believe, breed longterm family unity.
Early mornings: Getting up before my children wake up has proven a key to personal sanity. As shared before, drinking a cup of coffee in the quiet and having a little time to think through the agenda for the day allows me time to ground myself in peace for things get a little… noisier.
Quiet times: Teaching our children to have “quiet times” has proven imparative. A little after a year old, we begin the training. We work with our children to pick out two or three books, get cozy on a chair or couch and work as they mature to lengthen the amount of time they are required to be still. This is not only rewarding academically, physically, emotionally and spiritually, but also necessary. As often as I can, I try to join them, not only to model how important I know it to be, but to recharge myself.
Strategizing: Managing a household of six has stretched my imagination as to the amount of problem-solving I can achieve. Weekend errands double as dates with my toddlers. Rocking the baby to sleep serves as book reading to the others. I clean up from breakfast while my daughter does her journaling, spelling words for her across the kitchen table I’m wiping. Showering takes place during my children’s time to choose a special toy to play with. Determining the priority of the moment is my focus and multi-tasking follows naturally.
Perspective: What no one told me about mothering is that my purpose for motherhood is actually found in all of these in-between moments, the ones of unmet expectations and frustrating standstills. Changing diapers is only the beginning of the change that’s ahead for my own heart. I believe God has not only given my children to the mom they need, but he’s given me the children I need. I believe He’s perfectly planned the personalities, all-knowingly knit each one in my womb and then with love and wisdom delivered them into my life for my own shaping, my own growth, in order to stretch the impatient places, humble the pride, slow hurried paces, refine a desire for control, in essence, to challenge and grow me just as much as them.
