Look Away, She’s Nursing

I feel really inadequate to write about this topic. I am not the mom that would pull out her boob just anywhere, totally confident that I was nourishing my baby and not giving a care as to who was watching me do it. I come from the other extreme: I was the mom that would hide in a stadium’s nasty, hot bathroom stall just to give her new baby what he needed.

I never really thought about feeding my baby in public before he was born – but I knew I would breastfeed. I have memories of my mom breastfeeding, but I don’t remember her doing it while we were out and about as a family. My husband didn’t grow up around nursing, so he had some weird anxieties about me nursing in public, too. Because of this, I spent my first year nursing in friends’ basements, restaurant bathrooms, the car, or even dressing rooms. My only memories of this time are of being really hot and stressed; I wanted my baby to eat fast because everyone was having a good time without me, or our food had already arrived and I was hungry. I would rush him and make him finish before he was full because I wanted to get out of the stall or the car or wherever I happened to be at that moment.

I was never able to relax while nursing in public.

I’ll never forget the day this changed for me. I didn’t read some blog or get advice from a friend; something way more effective happened.

I was humiliated.

Look away, she's nursing.I had just given birth to my second son. My husband’s family was in town and he was away at work. In need of some entertainment for the big crowd in my small house, we headed to the zoo. First off, let me say that the zoo without  your husband and with a toddler and a newborn is a very bad idea, so I was probably already on edge. We were halfway through Africa – that spot by the giraffes where everyone starts melting down. I knew I was going to need to feed the baby and there were no bathrooms around – which meant I was going to have to feed him out in the open where everyone could see me. I picked my chair and table carefully so as not to be too close to anyone. I started juggling my nursing cover and the baby while trying to unhook my bra and attach my newborn who, no matter how many times I stuck my breast into his mouth, kept bobbing his head with his mouth open like a fish on a hook. I was exhausted, hot and desperately trying to not draw attention to myself.  I finally get him nursing and take a deep breath to try to relax when I notice a couple a table away. The husband was closer to me and angled in my direction.

But it was what happened next that embarrassed and shamed me.

The wife pointed toward me with a nod of her head and a disgusted look on her face, then told her husband to switch spots with her so his back would be toward me. He got up and switched spots with his wife – and for the next 10 minutes, she continued to stare at me and make me feel like I was doing something wrong! I wanted to cry, as if I wasn’t in a constant state of tears already. After they got up and left, I sat there and looked at my new baby boy.

My body that had just carried him,

that had birthed him

was now feeding him.

How amazing!

In that moment, I became proud of myself and what I was doing for the first time. I was not using my body in a rebellious or inappropriate way, but rather in the most tasteful (literally) and proper way that a woman can – offering up not only my body, but energy and time for my baby.

So, whether you’re comfortable openly nursing at a public park or covering up in a quiet dressing room, remind yourself that no matter what society or random strangers make you feel, you are loving your baby and choosing to put their needs first. Don’t be ashamed or afraid; you are making a sacrifice to enrich and strengthen someone else’s life … your child’s!

Bridget
Bridget was the first of her six siblings to be born in Kansas City and she has lived here ever since. She met her husband when she was in the eighth grade; they have been married for five years and have two boys (Cooper is 4, Lewis is 2) with another boy on the way. Day-to-day life consists of being woken up face-to-face with someone asking for a cup of milk; picking up hockey gear around the house; trips to the park; laughing at her boys; attempting to catch up on laundry; and hearing lots of screaming and “I love you, momma”'s. Bridget loves to camp, lay on a hammock (often while pretending it's a ship being attacked by sharks), garden, picnic - basically all things outdoors with the exception of chiggers! Writing for a moms blog has been a top bucket list item and she is excited to be a contributor. She also writes at living with levins

6 COMMENTS

  1. Good job, Mama! When baby has to eat, baby has to eat. I am of the opinion that women should cover up when the nurse, but I don’t feel they have to hide. What they are doing is natural and appropriate – provided their ONLY motive is to feed their baby. Where I draw the line is when a woman feeds her baby in public to make a point – thereby exploiting her baby and making the moment anything other than the mother-baby bonding it is supposed to be. Even if she is not trying to make a point, there are too many mothers who do and too many people who will assume that is what she is doing. Covering up gets rid of that. No one can argue that you are using your baby and breasts as an exhibit when you are concealing them. There are still people who will try to shame you for doing it. Those people are idiots, and their anti-nursing sentiments advocate a mother withholding something from her baby that the baby needs. Other than a few special circumstances where nursing is not feasible (mother’s job, medical reasons, etc.), doing so in my opinion would border on neglect. I was breastfed. My sisters were breastfed. My sister has done/is doing the same for her daughters. I was taught as a child that if I see a woman nursing in public, the appropriate response is to avert my eyes to give Mama and baby privacy. I was also taught that it was a beautiful, natural act.

    • Nursing is so amazing and so wonderful. The few times i have seen a mom nursing, i dont look away, and of course i do Not look below her neck, I simply glance at her face and if I can I smile. A thank you and bless you smile. I possible and it seems to help i have sat not too close, but close enough so she is not alone and no one with unkindness can come, yet just discretely away so she has full safety and space. And yes, i have either my back turned or just almost my back turned.

      How wonderful and amazing a mom can be.

      very best!
      🙂

  2. When we were in Paris, we attended a baptism celebration. I will never forget the moment the mom went to breastfeed her sweet baby. We were sitting in the church basement, and she lifted up her shirt, unhooked her bra, and fed her baby. With a glass of wine in her hand:) Not one single person in that church even gave her a second glance. It was as normal and natural as anything else. I distinctly remember thinking, that’s the way it should be. I’m all for covering up if that’s what makes you comfortable, but I’m really all for whatever a mother chooses to do.
    Good for you for doing what you needed to do, and being proud to do it!

  3. Thank you for sharing!! I’ve always nursed with a cover, and with my first baby I’d hide more, or plan everything around not needing to nurse when we were out. By my youngest, I felt more confident nursing anywhere and if people have an issue it’s their problem. Being able to feed your baby is a miracle, which should be celebrated!!

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