If Motherhood Were More Like The Bachelor…

On any given Monday night, you can find me on a couch somewhere, glass of wine in hand, watching The Bachelor with some good friends. If not the Bachelor, then The Bachelorette… or even the ridiculously addicting, Bachelor in Paradise. And if it’s one of those terrible months without any Bachelor franchise shows on the air, we still get together to drink wine…and our husbands don’t question it because they don’t know the show isn’t on anymore! Booyah!

The truth is I’ve been watching this show since I was roughly 18 years old. Therefore, I always felt younger than the guys and girls on the show, putting their hearts on the line and searching for their “soul mates.” That is until just recently. Now that I’m a mom of two, who admittedly stayed up way too late last night researching minivans (yep…), I’m feeling a little old, compared to the bikini clad bachelor contestants and their perfectly stylish wardrobes. Don’t worry though, I’ve totally accepted it. I wouldn’t trade my precious job as mom for anything, but sometimes it’s fun to imagine what it might be like if motherhood were more like The Bachelor.

if motherhood were more like the bachelor

  • We’d spend all day poolside, napping on giant flamingo floats and sipping cocktails juice boxes.
  • There’d be an intern scurrying around behind the scenes, setting up extravagant playdates for us. A limo ride to the park for a picnic, followed by a private concert by the cast of Disney on Ice? Yep, this is totally real life.
  • My kids would be total besties, but they’d still probably accuse each other of “not being there for the right reasons.”
  • We’d be surrounded by flickering LED candles. Always.
  • My closet would be full of designer clothes and cocktail dresses… and perhaps not so many t-shirts and yoga pants.
  • There’d always be a blanket around right when I need it.
  • I’d take both kids to dinner — but only give a rose to the best behaved. The whiner would be sent packing. (Or home with dad.)
  • We’d be surrounded by platters of delicious food… and we’d actually eat it.
  • Chris Harrison would enter the room before every toddler meltdown and proclaim it the “most dramatic tantrum ever.”
  • Most importantly, I hope there’d be a Neil Lane diamond in it for me in the end!

A day in my mom life may be nothing like a day in the mansion… but it sure is great. And I’ll always have my Monday nights!

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4 Responses to If Motherhood Were More Like The Bachelor…

  1. Paula Slifer July 29, 2016 at 8:58 am #

    Love this comparison,Vanessa! So true! It would be fun for just one night to have Chris Harrison try and manuver a night with two toddlers! : Splashing in the hot tub, pulling the rose petals off, and running around the mansion? So much fun to read!!!

  2. Jessica August 4, 2016 at 11:52 am #

    This is funny!!!

  3. Missy August 13, 2016 at 12:38 pm #

    Hilarious! Toddlers are a lot like drunken singles … lots of crying and drama 😉

  4. Jennie Love August 15, 2016 at 11:20 pm #

    This is the BEST!! Jimmy Kimmel does a spoof of The Bachelor using toddlers. It’s hilarious!