Tonight I’m boxing up my maternity clothes one by one. It’s so crazy to think that just 12 short weeks ago these fit super snugly around my tummy. Actually, since I’ve had 3 babies in the last 3.5 years I’ve been in and out of these on a pretty regular cycle. As I place each item in the box the memories roll in… I was wearing that top when I felt baby #1’s first kicks, I took baby #2’s maternity pics in that dress, I wolfed down a monster burrito in those pants with #3 while I joked with my co-worker about how these elastic waist bands were nothing short of amazing!
Even though the sound of having four kids, aged 5 and under sounds like crazy-town, I’d love to have another. I’ll never grow tired of being pregnant, creating human life, and holding my newborn baby for the first time – all slimy and perfect. All that said, the logical side of my brain tells me that regardless of how many children I bare, there must always be a caboose to this crazy-train, and I will inevitably have to experience what I feel right now; mourning the end of this phase of life.
But you see dear friend, there is a tiny light in my mourning; a light that brings all of this into perspective. That light is YOU. You see, I was blessed to conceive my babies and carry them happily, healthily, and with little to no stress. While I was doing all that, you tried, prayed, and likely cried endlessly for the chance to carry, birth and snuggle your own newborn. You didn’t know it, but I prayed for you too. I felt guilty to have my fortunes/blessings and I didn’t know how to comfort you. I didn’t want to pry and ask how IVF was going because I didn’t want to hurt you and figured you’d share if it felt right to you. I read blog posts about how hard Facebook posts boasting pregnancy, gender, and newborn announcements were likely gut wrenching for you. Yet, I posted each of mine anyway. You didn’t know that I was thinking about you as I shared each phase of each of my pregnancies, but I was.
Last week, when you secretly sent me a Facebook message and asked…, “Hey, do you have any maternity clothes that you no longer need? Shhhhh. :)” I got chills, and all of a sudden boxing up these clothes got easier. Easier because I’m ready to see them hugging that bump that we prayed endlessly for.
Love and sisterhood,
Christina Gepner is a mother, wife, and engineer by day and a child/family photographer, and Etsy shop owner by night. She is mama to Brisbane (4), Knox (2), and baby Lincoln, and has been married to her husband Dave for 10 years. Christina lives in Olathe and enjoys her husband, kids, exploring new places, photographs, sunshine and pretty light, color, chemical-free living, being outside, mid-century modern anything, reading blogs, Thai food, being in the water, Anthropologie, the beach and starting new projects (that she often doesn’t finish).