So, You Had a C-Section …

So, You Had a C-section ... | Kansas City Moms Blog

CONGRATULATIONS  on the birth of your new baby! It is an exciting, new, overwhelming, exhausting, wonderful time in you and your family’s life! Enjoy it!

So … you had a C-section. Your delivery didn’t go as you had hoped or planned. You might even think that you lost your “perfect birth” because you delivered via C-section. I’m sure that you have also had friends and/or family members respond to that with a “that sucks” or “I’m sorry” or “maybe you can VBAC next time.” But, I’m not going to say that.

If you are anything like I was after my first C-section, you might be feeling really bummed out, depressed, or inadequate. You might find yourself staring at your beautiful bundle of joy with tears streaming down your face, partly because of those post-partum hormones but partly because you are feeling things that you don’t really know how to cope with. Hearing “that sucks” or “I’m sorry” isn’t going to make you feel any better – and “maybe you can VBAC next time” might only exacerbate your feelings of failing this time around.

So instead, I’m going to share something with you that took some serious effort and reflecting on my part for me to finally realize and accept. Regardless of the reason for your C-section, I want to tell you that … It’s OK. Having a C-section is not the end of the world.

I’ve met far too many women who think there is nothing worse than having to have a C-section. Unfortunately, there are many people out there who portray C-sections to be the worst thing that could possibly happen to a mother, thereby feeding into the notion that having a C-section victimizes a mother by stripping her of some womanly right to do what her body was supposed to do.

I’m here to tell you that it is OK that you didn’t deliver vaginally. I didn’t deliver vaginally five  times, and I’m totally OK with this! It took me a little time and effort to get over my feelings of inadequacy following my first delivery, but my hope is that soon you, too, will be able to love yourself enough to accept that it’s OK that you didn’t deliver vaginally, either.

So, You Had a C-Section ... | Kansas City Moms Blog

You had a C-section, but …

You are not a failure. You did not let your child, or anyone else around you, down.

So what? Your baby didn’t come out of your vagina. Would you tell your best friend or sister, if she were in your situation, that she was a failure just because her baby didn’t come out that way? NO! And you shouldn’t tell yourself that, either. There is no measurement of worth in the way you deliver your baby.

You are not weak and you didn’t take the easy way out.

A C-section is no minor surgery! If anything, you should be proud of yourself for accomplishing such a difficult task! You made it through what was probably a really scary or stressful experience, and you came out of it with a precious life to love and care for – all while still needing to take care of yourself while you recover. It’s no easy feat – but you’ve done it!

You are not any less of a woman.

Sometimes our bodies don’t do what they are supposed to do or what we want them to do, and that is not our fault. For whatever reason, your baby didn’t make his/her way out through the birth canal, which, if you think about it, is just part of a woman’s anatomy. Our anatomy  is what makes us women but is only part of what makes up our womanhood. Having a baby pass through the birth canal does not automatically make someone more of a woman compared to one who had a C-section. It’s no different than, say, a woman who struggles with infertility; just because a woman cannot conceive or carry a baby does not mean she is any less of a woman. Yes, giving birth is a rite of passage – but not into womanhood. You were a woman before you delivered your baby, and the fact that you had a C-section does not make you any less of one.

You are not any less of a mother.

If there is anything I have learned since becoming a mother almost ten years ago, it’s this: you have to do what is best for you, your child, and your family, regardless of what the mother next to you does for her own family. From which diapers you pick for your baby, to what you feed your family, to whether or not you immunize, homeschool, co-sleep, breastfeed, etc. … people will find any and every reason to share their opinion of why one thing is better than the other. This includes the way your baby was delivered.

So, You Had a C-Section ... | Kansas City Moms Blog

You had a C-section, yes. But that does not make you any less of a mother compared to the gal down the hall who had a vaginal delivery. You both  carried and grew a life within your wombs for months and months! You both  get to raise your babies for the next 18+ years! That  is what defines you as a mother, not  the manner in which your baby entered this world.

So, when you are having a difficult day, having a hard time coping with the fact that your birth didn’t go as planned or as expected, just remember that you did it. You gave birth to a new life. To me, every birth where the outcome is a happy and healthy mom and baby is a perfect birth. You had a C-section, but you didn’t fail. You didn’t let anyone, including your own child, down. You are not weak. You are not any less of a mom or woman than the gal giving birth in the hospital room next to you.

And if that doesn’t make you feel any better, just think about the fact that you won’t pee a little bit every time you cough, laugh, sneeze or run …!

(Note: Please seek the help of a counselor or doctor if you find yourself having an extremely difficult time coping with your personal experience or situation.)

Meredith R.
Meredith is wife to Eric and mommy to Jackson (10), Wyatt (8), Logan (7), Cohen (5), and Piper (2). She moved to KC in 2005, after being born and raised in St. Louis. Having graduated from the University of Missouri, she still finds it really interesting, and a little unsettling, that KU gear is sold in the stores right alongside all of the MU gear! Meredith wears many hats; not only is she a busy mom shuttling her kids to and from cub scout meetings and soccer practices, but she runs her own photography business, meredithrae photography, blogs over at My 4 Misters And Their Sister, and is also a labor and delivery RN who recently hung up the nurse’s cap temporarily to concentrate on taking care of her family while her hubby travels the world on business. She also likes to cook, bake, sew, decorate, craft, and even swing a hammer from time to time.

1 COMMENT

  1. I had 3 wonderful daughters via c-section, and they are the light of my life! I felt terrible after the first, but I had no ill feelings with the others! I agree with everything you said! Well put!

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