This is a list…of words, comments, statements…that should not be spoken from a husband/partner/spouse to a mom EVER.
I’m going to be upfront with you here. I’m going to list three things, but this list is not complete. Far from it, actually! And I’m sure every mom reading this could add at least two or three to it – so PLEASE do. It somehow keeps me sane to know that it’s not just me that experiences these moments.
Disclaimer: this is not a bash your husband/partner/spouse post. Only a nice reminder of what inappropriate times to say exactly what you’re feeling.
1. After a birthday party for your kid is over… “That was exhausting, babe. I know you like planning these parties, but is it really necessary?”
Here’s the thing. Since the inception of Pinterest, Facebook and every other social media site that has slowly ruined every mom’s life due to the perpetual race to share every adorable little detail of every party you ever host, the simple answer is “YES.” Now I know there are mom’s out there that live for planning parties and making every adorable detail perfect for their sweet baby’s birthday. Trust me. I was one of them. Two kids ago. Now I’m all like, “Is it seriously your birthday AGAIN?” My husband errs on the side of no birthday parties at all. I would possibly be down with that, but I’ve found as my kids get older and go to other friends from daycare/school parties, they are now planning their own parties months in advance. I do not have the heart to say no to that good long-term planning skill, so I compromised and did two of my kids’ parties together this year. Was it exhausting? Yes. Did I have a bunch of cute decor, a custom cake and awesome favors? No. Well, the DIY favors were awesome, but that was the only level of dedication I put into the party and my husband STILL was giving me grief about it.
My thoughts? It’s your baby(ies). No matter how old. You pushed them out (in most cases and if not, you went through enough to get them!). If you want to throw them a party and plan it and be extravagant… DO IT (and possibly invite my kids if we are friends, because we like awesome parties for sure. And bounce houses. Those are awesome). Celebrate that sweet baby and share away all the amazing details you planned (or didn’t plan) and any comments as stated above should be avoided.
2. When driving away from family pictures that just took an hour and everyone is tired, cranky and sweating… “You know what, I really HATE family pictures. Why do we have to do them?”
Oh man. This might or might not be a real life example. And guess what guys – SURPRISE? Taking family pictures in a field while trying to get everyone to look normal while tired and cranky and sweating is NOT our favorite thing to do either. Nor is spending several weeks prior to pictures trying to pick an outfit color scheme that matches each other – oh, but not too matchy, matchy, and then running around town and the Internet searching for clothes. NOPE. However, we are the matriarch of our family. And one of those crazy, unwritten matriarch rules is “document your family through photos.”
In the end, we know it’s all worth it to get that family photo at that point in time because #babiesdontkeep and before you know it, you’ll be looking at every picture over the years and smiling. Show up to the pictures wearing exactly what you’re told (even if you’re outfit is literally the last thing we think about) and smile pretty. And make sure you can throw those kids up in the air and not drop them because we are willing to do whatever it takes to get those smiling faces.
3. “I feel so bad for ‘so and so’ having to do ‘X’ while they are sick.”
DID YOU FEEL BAD FOR ME WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AND FELT LIKE DOG POOP…but had to go to work/take care of kids/cook dinner/do laundry/grocery shop/meal plan/shuttle kids/etc for a whole nine months? Now, I wasn’t one that was sick my entire pregnancy ever – thank goodness, or I probably would only have one kid, and I really like my other two a lot! But I have had several friends that literally threw up while pregnant EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Oh my. Those poor mamas. And I say that with a sincere heart because yes, I was sick and pregnant once and it’s hard.
Husbands/spouses/partners – you haven’t been pregnant and while it’s a beautiful thing that I am SO very thankful that I have gotten to experiences three times – you don’t get it. I understand that you never will, but vocalizing your empathy toward another poor sap in your office that is sick or down with the man flu for a few days to us? Nope. No sympathy coming from us. We might utter the words “whatever doesn’t kills you makes you stronger” under our breath as a way to not lose it on you.
All I have to say is, you should be thankful for that and all the strong women in your life!