All I Need to Know

Tiffany 052714Moms wear many hats, some more stylish than others. As the mom of two boys, Max and Finn, our schedules  may be predictable, but our days  are not. I carefully navigate breakfast because Finn’s reaction to what’s being served can either get our “mommy train” out of the station or send us back to the service department for maintenance. This means that I have to regularly explain that jelly beans are not part of any acceptable breakfast food group despite their fun colors, as well as negotiate outerwear like it’s part of an international treaty for weather-appropriate clothing (an in-depth look at kids’ fierce hatred of coats should really be part of some study somewhere). I have been banned from singing in the car so the boys can focus uninterrupted on One Republic’s video of Counting Stars (no, the ban doesn’t have anything to do with my voice) and, daily, I stand on the sidewalk outside my son’s preschool mirroring the silly faces and dance moves that he’s making through the window despite the fact that passersby can only see a crazy woman dancing by herself. I struggle to understand why the word “butt” is hilarious and have tiny puncture holes in the bottom of my feet from Legos – but threaten to throw away said Lego and watch a landslide of emotion about how that particular  brown Lego is more instrumental in future creations than any other brown Lego in the bunch.

Days full of reason and rational thought? Not in the least.

And, like every other mom who works outside the home, I struggle with the guilt of my decision. It’s a permanent guilt hat, a custom-made one that is ugly and suctioned to my head underneath the more fun versions that I get to wear when I listen to Max excitedly describe his latest artistic masterpiece or argue with my kids about who loves whom more.  I constantly struggle with the desire to give my kids the best life possible, while encouraging them to follow their dreams when I’m not always leading by example. My dream? I want to write; I want to evoke feelings through words. I want to tell people’s stories and tell my own, creating  for a living rather than producing.  And, I’m trying. I’m doing my best, which means that I’m working a day job, writing on the side, and trying to make sure that my boys are happy and feel loved every minute of every day. Sometimes I fail; sometimes I apologize to them for not being the mom that I wish I could be. And, every time, they forgive me. When I get discouraged and wonder if the pursuit of this dream is worth the effort, I think back to one particular mommy moment. Max’s first grade teacher sent me an email exchange that she had with him during computer lab – a conversation about what he enjoys in school. My son’s response is the only thing that I need to keep this “mommy train” going:

Dear M.s.,Langan I do like to read and rite beacase I want to be like my mom she is a riter and a reader.

If my kids are proud of me, that’s all I need to know.

tiffanyk
Tiffany spends her days trying to act like she’s organized. Behind the scenes, she’s usually practicing yoga breathing to curb the panic over throwing too many figurative balls in the air. She’s a lawyer, freelance writer, published author and, most importantly, a mom to two hilarious, creative, and spunky little boys – seven-year-old Max, and five-year-old Finn. Realizing years ago that writing allows her to find the humor in almost any situation, Tiffany writes whenever the opportunity allows and can often be found on the second floor of her favorite coffee shop pounding on her laptop after consuming her weight in vanilla lattes. Tiffany has been a regular contributing writer to local magazines, including M Magazine, 435, and North Magazine, and achieved a lifelong dream of becoming a published author with the 2013 release of her first novel, “Six Weeks in Petrograd.” Tiffany and her husband, Alan, can be found around Parkville trying to corral their two crazy boys and an equally crazy pound puppy named Maddie Lou. You can learn about her current novel (and her second novel in the works) at www.tiffanykilloren.com or drop by her Tiffany W. Killoren, Writer page on Facebook.