Giving Up on Google Parenting

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It all started with a simple question – how can I get my newborn suffering from reflux to sleep anywhere besides my chest?

But nothing is simple when Google gets involved. After making my initial query, I was led to online message boards where the momsters convinced me that I needed to give up all dairy, coffee (say what?) and gluten – as if the newborn stage isn’t miserable enough with its hormones, exhaustion and jiggly stomach.

While relegated to the cry room during yet another church service, I polled my mom friends. My husband crowd-sourced Facebook. All signs pointed to the Rock ‘n Play Sleeper as the miracle cure resulting in sleep for both baby and mommy.

I, apparently having learned nothing after my initial search, Googled the Rock ‘n Play to learn more. This time, the momsters warned me of SIDS, flat heads and establishing bad sleeping habits. Others seemed to lack any sense of statistics with comments like “well, my kids didn’t get flat heads so the risk must be low.” So, should I trust my mom friends or the online momsters? Or maybe my grandma who, with good intentions, questions how the kids of her generation survived without all these fancy contraptions? Or what about my pediatrician, who I love dearly but speaks mostly in blacks and whites that feel really gray at 3 a.m.?

It doesn’t stop with the Rock ‘n Play. I am continually reminded my choice of sunscreen, carrier, carseat, sleep training, diapers, technology usage, lunch food and level of attention I give my sons are a measure of my love. When the advice is dished out online, it’s so easy to talk in absolutes and respond with blind judgment. My hunch, though, is that the mothers who don’t care about their children and want to cause them harm are probably not the ones surfing online parenting forums.

Through a fog of exhaustion and hormones, I have to weigh the (supposed) risks of what I need to survive this day versus the potential harm I am causing my children.

On this day – after my newborn slept the majority of the night on my chest, when my toddler watched more than the “recommended daily allowance” of TV, when I dehydrated my breastfeeding body with cups of coffee and when our pantry contains an amply supply of both SpaghettiO’s AND fruit snacks – I resolved to stop parenting by Google. The message boards and forums I discovered there have only given me fear and guilt – shattering my otherwise confident parenting. As I yelled at my husband earlier (see future blog post: “How Your Marriage Can Survive a Newborn and Toddler”):

I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN.

We all have to choose the blacks and whites of our parenting – which are different for all of us. What we include in our gray areas might change with each child, each stage or even each day.

One of the things I appreciate most about this blog is its ability to share the collective wisdom of moms without the judgment found in other online forums and message boards. With a large team of mom-writers, we occasionally disagree but know that we can do so by providing an inviting space where moms of varying opinions can connect and relate – in ways far less abrasive than on that parenting forum you found through Google during your newborn’s last 3 a.m. cry session. I love drawing on a compassionate, well-meaning community of moms for advice and support knowing they are walking on the same sleep-deprived, cluttered, confusing, doing-the-best-we-can path of motherhood as I am.

Sarah McGinnity
Sarah grew up in Manhattan, Kansas (Go Cats!), she moved to Minnesota where she met her husband, Shea. Realizing how much she hated snow in May, she convinced him to move to Kansas City in 2010. Together they have lived in Midtown, Waldo, the Plaza, and now Overland Park. Sarah is mom to 10-year-old, Henry, 7-year-old Clark and 5-year-old Lucy. She has her master’s in urban administration and is passionate about making Kansas City a more equitable and supportive community. In between the crazy, she likes to drink coffee, run, hike, travel as much as possible, and experience all things Kansas City!

2 COMMENTS

  1. Sarah, this is a great post. I am so quick to study the children being discussed in books or online forums instead of parenting the child I have in front of me — who is NOT the child being written about by anyone else. Google can be helpful at times, but it often steals our freedom to parent “the best we can.” Thank you for sharing!

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