I’m Holding Pregnancy Responsible

Note: This post is the second in our three-part “Labor of Love” series. Join us in a couple of weeks as we close out this series with Bridget’s birth story!

My husband, Josh thinks it would be funny if a book were written about things that are only acceptable to say or do when pregnant. He thought of this one day after he came into our room and I was eating sour cream and onion chips, along with Chips Ahoy! cookies in bed at six o’clock in the morning.

I started thinking of some of the things I don’t do when pregnant and other things I do do when pregnant. I’m wondering if I’m alone in this, or maybe if some of you can relate.

Things I don’t do:

Cook

One morning, I deliriously had Josh searching the refrigerator for his packed lunch … which, as it turned out, I had made in my dreams. Oops … looks like he got to eat out again that day.

I mean, it’s not like the employees at Chipotle don’t know us or that my two-year-old can’t order for himself: “I need rice, beans, sowa cweem, wettuce, cheese, not chicken … yee chicken too spicy!”

I got a call one day from Josh that went like this: “Hey honey, is there a reason you only packed a granola bar and a pack of gum in my lunch today?” I guess maybe I figured he could keep chewing ’til he wasn’t hungry anymore.

Run

“I would rather get hit by a car than run,” I said one day as Josh and I were crossing a street with a car coming toward us from around the corner. He said “run!” Yeah, right – you run.

Clean

I can hear my son getting into a box of cereal from my spot on the couch. As it happens, all I can think is “I would rather sweep up a whole box of Cheerios later than move my legs right now.” But let’s be honest – I probably won’t sweep them up later, either. How many of you pregnant mamas have been caught napping on the piles of clean laundry on the couch when your husband comes home from work?

Things I do:

Go a little crazy

Why is it that during pregnancy, a parking spot becomes more important than ever? During my last pregnancy, I nearly left this note on a motorcycle parked outside Hy-Vee:

To the motorcyclist who parked in my expectant mother parking spot, 

I can spot you and your helmet in the store and you’re neither pregnant NOR a woman.

Sincerely,

Grumpy Pregnant Mom and her crying toddler

Not to make me look completely crazy, but I may or may not have made my husband run out into oncoming traffic when my first child’s ultrasound pictures blew out of the car. As it happened, I may or may not have been crying/screaming “MY BABY!” One look at me, and my husband knew he needed to sacrifice his own safety now or he might be sacrificing his sanity later. As Vicki Lovine, author of “The Best Friends’ Guide To Pregnancy” stated so well – “crazy people are often the last ones to know they are crazy.”

Make my discomfort VERY obvious

We were at the Kansas City Zoo a few weeks ago when I realized just how loud I was breathing … okay, more like panting as we walked up a hill. It’s funny that whenever you aren’t pregnant, you try your hardest to hide it whenever you get winded or try to act like you can still talk and smile through the side cramps and exhaustion. It’s also entertaining that as soon as I find out I’m pregnant, that same day I’ll begin the “I don’t think I can handle this hill” routine.

Lose My Mind

This is perhaps my favorite “let’s blame it on the pregnancy” side effect. When you’re pregnant, everything has an excuse! Losing your phone, leaving your purse on top of your car, locking yourself out of the house … it happens. Thankfully, life just got less embarrassing because you are obviously not in your right state of mind! I have story after story I could share here; I’m sure Josh has even more … stories like driving to the nearest Redbox to return your movie, waiting in line, then getting to the box and realizing you left the movie at home. Talk about a walk of shame as you turn around to face everyone waiting behind you, head down, walking as fast as you possibly can.

My husband’s favorite happened when one day, he was having a conversation about Mike Tyson’s accomplishments with some of his friends. Wanting to add to the conversation, I said, “he must have been pretty successful; I mean, who doesn’t own a George Foreman Grill?” Yikes … good thing I was pregnant for that one. Darn pregnancy brain!

Okay, so maybe a book wouldn’t be such a good idea, after all. We moms may not want to reveal too much … let’s just save it for our mom’s blog. 😉