Before We Meet, Dear Baby Boy

I never knew I had so much to tell my unborn child, until recently. I’m in my third trimester, trying to juggle his toddler brother, wife duties, and responsibilities of a dog mom. All the while, time is passing quickly and I wonder to myself, “Have I really stopped to process this pregnancy? Have I given this baby due attention?” Life happens. Unintentionally, I have tunnel vision. All my focus and attention is on what’s in front of me, not necessarily what’s in my belly. I’ve found that writing a letter is great way to express all I want to say to my baby.

Dear Baby Boy #2,

I feel you, I know you are there, and I love you. Right now, my days are filled with tending to your brother, and you sometimes get lost in the mix of housework and errands. This mom thing is hard, so please be patient with me as I find my rhythm with parenting two. Can I tell you a secret? I’m nervous. I’m nervous about if your brother truly understands what being gentle means. I’m nervous about the changing dynamics from a family of 3 to 4. I’m nervous about giving you both equal attention and sharing my heart. 

Throughout the day, I ask myself so many questions. What will you be like? Who will you look like? When will we get to meet you? Are you going to be a good sleeper? What will be our breastfeeding journey? How can I learn to let you grow into your own person, without inevitably comparing you to your brother at times? I still don’t have all the answers, but I am confident in one thing. You are part of God’s plan for our family, and I can’t wait to see what role you play. I know you’ll fit right in.

Sometimes it may seem like nothing is truly yours. This is a fear of mine. As the second child, you’ll get mostly hand-me-downs and go on play dates first established because of your brother’s friends. The crib was not yours first. The toys have been played with. The clothes have been worn. But they are all well-loved, just as you will be. And with each day you’re in our lives, we will learn more and more about you. We will know what toys you’re drawn to, how clothes fit you, and what your likes are. As we establish all that, Mommy and Daddy will get to build on your own stash of personal belongings. You are going to be unique in all your ways, and hand-me-downs could never stop that. Your big brother has given me the confidence I have developed to love hard and be the best parent I can be. Now that’s not half bad to inherit, right?

The months have flown by. By all definitions, you have been a “normal” pregnancy, where your brother was a risky one. In many ways, I feel like that’s your way of reassuring me that we’ve got this. Together. You’re already doing your part to help me a little in the stress department. Thank you, sweet boy.

From your immediate to extended family, you are going to be welcomed into a most loving family. Daddy will always protect you and fight for you. He works tirelessly to provide for us. Your big brother has so much joy to share and a kind heart to love you with. He is smart and caring. I know he will teach you much, comfort you, and be right by your side as you adventure through life together. As for me, I will do my best to balance the urge to hold you close at all times while learning to let you grow. The world is scary, and I will have to resist keeping you from it. But I am praying, and will continue to pray, that I can be patient and present in my new role as mother of two. I am hard on myself and imperfect. I will mess up often, feel defeated, and breakdown. But as your mother, I promise to always brush myself off and try try again.

I feel you, I know you are there, and I love you. We eagerly wait upon your arrival.

-Mommy 

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