To the Mom Whose Husband Just Walked Out

You are reeling; your future just shattered right before your eyes. It’s OK to cry. Cry hard. Sob on the kitchen floor until no sound comes out. Cry when you wake up alone in the middle of the night. Or when you’re sitting in that church pew by yourself for the first time. Cry when you find the mementos, picture the milestones, and are caught off guard by the memories.

But know this: The tears will stop. And they will be replaced by laughter. Because you are about to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. You’re about to pull close to your family, your support system, letting them fill your nights with distractions that will turn into lifelong memories and deepened relationships.

So cry now, but be ready to laugh soon. It’s coming.

You are mad. Beyond mad. You are pissed. And you should be. Let it out, girl. When you wake up at 3 a.m., and screaming into your pillow doesn’t cut it anymore, break something of his in the driveway. Just one time. Let yourself do it, because it’s healing. Or grab a dish towel and beat the door frames. It’s quiet, it doesn’t leave a mark, and it feels SO good. Or join a kickboxing class… and privately nickname the mannequin. But know this: The anger will fade. And peace will come. Because you are about to pamper yourself. Take time to get a massage as often as you can. Read a novel in the bathtub. Get your hair shampooed just because. Buy a bottle of wine, and rent your favorite movie. You deserve all of it.

So be angry now, but be ready to take deep, peaceful breaths soon. They’re coming.

Be ready to take comfort in watching them rise above. They will if you will.

You are terrified of what this means for your children. The statistics, the stigma. Every developmental stage changed, affected in some way. Read it all if you must. Be distracted by your anxiety throughout the day; lose sleep at night. Sneak in and worry over them as they sleep. But know this: The fear will subside. And you will be comforted. Because you are about to focus on your children in a whole new way. You are about to approach parenting with a determined, pro-active attitude. Sign them up for play therapy if you feel it’s best. Take them for special dates with mommy. Assure them every minute that they are loved. And watch them blossom. Because there is serious power in your attention, your love, and your commitment to them. 

So be fearful now, but be ready to take comfort in watching them rise above. They will if you will.

You are lost. Your identity was just swept out from under you. This isn’t just a detour; your life plans have been taken from you, stomped on, and left crumpled in the dust. You didn’t plan for this and there is no back up plan. You don’t even know who you are anymore… or who you’re going to be. But know this: You will find yourself. And you will love the woman you find. When earthquakes shake foundations, structures are rebuilt stronger, newer, and more beautiful than before. Get out in the world. Gain wisdom and experience. Do the things you always wanted. Try the things you never imagined you would. Find new hobbies, talents, and passions. Your new self, your true self, will shine brighter than you can imagine. And everyone in your life will see it.

So stumble lost in the fog right now, but be ready to find a better version of yourself. She’s coming.

Your heart is broken. Crushed, seemingly beyond repair. You feel violated. The man who made vows to you, who is supposed to love you more than any other person on the planet, just walked away. How will you ever trust anyone again? How can you trust any other man when THIS ONE, the one who picked you for life, the father of your children, broke his promises? You wonder if anyone is ever truly happy. You question if risking this pain again is worth it. It’s so easy to let cynicism reign. But know this: Your heart will be fully restored. Your lightheartedness will return. Your desire for a partner and your ability to trust will come back, timidly at first, but more confidently with time. If you’re open to it, you will find new love. And it will be a mature love, strengthened by wisdom and experience. It will be a healthy love, made better by the hurts of your past. It will be a complete love, fuller than you even let yourself hope for.

So be broken now, but be ready to love again. He’s coming.

You are hitting your knees. You are crying out to God in pain, anger, and confusion. You are begging for help, healing, and direction. It seems hopeless and He seems absent. You are questioning His plan. Maybe even His existence. But you keep praying. You keep kneeling. And know this: You will kneel again. This time, in humble awe at the blessings He has bestowed upon you and this new life of yours. You will pray again. This time, in thanksgiving for the new people He has brought into your life. For the healing He provided. For the lessons He taught you. For the person you’ve grown into. For your faith that has been strengthened.

So pray to God for strength now, and be ready to thank him for His overflowing blessings later. Because they’re coming.

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