I’m not big on traditional New Year’s resolutions. My goal each year is simply to become a better person, to learn from my past mistakes and grow from every experience that life has decided to toss my way. Parenting is a marathon – just when I think I’ve mastered a particular skill set, my kids grow and flip everything on its head, and I have to start all over again, figuring out what works best for my little family and how to parent in a way that is perfect for two kiddos who shift between being contemplative one minute and miniature fraternity boys the next. With the following goals, I hope to grow as a parent this year. And, because I can’t control everything, I simply have faith that the rest will fall into place.
I Will… Be Present
Everyone has to-do lists. The trick is not letting those lists of errands, appointments, work problems, and must-dos take over my life and take me away from the moment. I look at my eight and five-year-olds and am both proud of the little people they’ve become, and incredibly sad at how fast it’s all going, our days of rocking to sleep in a nightlight-filled room feeling like yesterday in my mind. They say absolutely incredible things at this age. They have insight into the world that I couldn’t think of on my best day of creative writing. I can watch my boys and get a beautiful glimpse into the men that they will become one day and, it is at those moments that I feel like my husband and I are doing a pretty darn good job of raising them. To-do lists will always be there; I want to live in the moment and soak it all up because living with contemplative fraternity boys is the best thing ever.
I Will… Go On More Dates
…with my boys. Because my boys are two-and-a-half-years apart in age, they are each other’s best friends and constant companions; but as similar as they may be at times, they are individuals with their own interests, concerns, and thoughts as to this great big world. Although my relationship with my boys is as unique as their bubbly personalities, it can be difficult to have any type of substantive conversation with them when they’re making each other laugh and blowing bubbles through their straws when I ask them to tell me about their day. So, I love taking them out for “date nights,” which are a fun way to sit across from them at a dinner table one-on-one and listen to what they have to say. Sure, a recent date night with my eight-year-old involved him looking over my head to the restaurant television to check the score to a particularly close football game that he was following, but that’s okay. I used the opportunity to talk to him about football and his thoughts on the current season. Date nights with my youngest will revolve around the dessert menu and super hero impersonations and, that’s okay, too. It’s an excuse to eat chocolate cake and pretend that I’m Super Mom.
I Will… Go on More Dates
…with my husband. I believe what they say – the best gift that I can give my kids is a strong and healthy marriage. Marriage, without kids, isn’t easy and those of us with tiny little tornadoes running around the house understand how difficult it can be to keep a healthy focus on your marriage when your time is constantly being redirected. I felt like the first few years of having kids was simply a matter of survival; between 3:00 a.m. feedings, potty training, and communicating with little boys who didn’t know themselves why they were melting into tantrums over a piece of dropped cereal was exhausting and left little energy for my spouse. As my little tornadoes have grown, however, so has my perspective and the energy that I have to devote to the beautiful little moments that make a marriage great. My husband and I now go out on dates more often and, when we do, it’s like we’re dating all over again. We laugh at stupid things, order cocktails that come in fancy glasses, and talk about things other than our amazing offspring. We’re true partners in this parenting adventure, and loving and supporting each other unconditionally helps us to be the best parents that we can be.
I Will… Just Say No
I can’t do everything, but I sure have tried. I’ve volunteered for too much, taken on too many professional commitments, tried to make every family experience a magical memory-filled adventure, and been incredibly hard on myself along the way. I’ve focused energy on things that don’t deserve it and have, for some inexplicable reason, had a horrible time saying “no” to anyone, any opportunity, and any event that needed an extra hand. The result of my short-sighted “yes” mentality was high stress, shattered nerves, sleepless nights, and less time with the family that I was trying to create a better life for. Enough. I am committed this next year to letting two little letters flow from my lips when a request will create more stress in my life and take time away from what really matters. Truth be told, my boys already consider me a huge success in life because, well, I’m their mom, and I really can’t argue with that.
