Note: This is the fourth post in our series entitled “On Being a Dad.” For more posts from this series, click here.
Growing up, I dreamed of being a pro baseball player, a doctor, or that I would be working for the FBI. Not once did I think that I wanted to stay at home with my kids – that is, not until about 7 years ago when my first daughter was born. After about a year of different people watching her, we started talking about who was really influencing her and how she was growing up. About a year later, I quit my job to stay at home. Little did I know that I had just started the best “job” ever!
People always ask if being a stay-at-home dad is harder than being a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I have no idea. It is more difficult to find other stay-at-home dads with kids the same age as mine. There are not as many support/play groups for stay-at-home dads. I am in charge of the laundry and the lawn. I get odd looks when I have to take two little girls into the men’s restroom. I actually had a doctor once tell me that he wished their mom was at the appointment because “she would know your daughter better.” Some people assume that I lost my job and am having trouble finding a new one. None of this means that my “job” is harder than being a stay-at-home mom, it’s just different.
Another question I get is, “What do you do all day?” Most think they will hear the guy’s equivalent of eating Bon Bons and watching soap operas which is eating Doritos, drinking Pepsi and watching ESPN all day. The reality is, I wake up, feed the girls, pack school lunches, get the kids dressed, fix their hair, get dressed myself, start laundry, get the older daughter to school (on days when the youngest goes to preschool, I go to a part-time job), get coffee (for myself, not the kids), go to the park/zoo/pool/gymnastics/dance/story time/Chick-Fil-A (for the play area), eat lunch, put the girls down for nap time, fold laundry, get the older kids off the bus, fix dinner, help with homework, take the kids to dance/gymnastics/glee (for my older daughter), get the kids ready for bed, get the kids in bed, play/watch shows on the iPad for a couple of hours, tell my wife I love her, go to sleep, then wake up in the middle of the night because the 4-year-old is having bad dreams. Somewhere in there, I try to clean up messes, fit in a workout and spend time talking with my wife about the family schedule.
The last couple paragraphs make it sound like it is really hard to stay at home with the kids. Well … it is, but that is only around 10% of what I think about when I think about my time with the girls. The other 90% is remembering being there to help them learn how to walk and talk, weekly trips to the zoo, building towers out of building blocks (only to have the girls crush them like dinosaurs), pulling a wagon full of girls down to the park, dressing up as the Easter Bunny at their preschool (twice), baking cookies with them, taking them to the doctor (or Target) in princess dresses or fairy outfits, the look on my wife’s face when she found out I let them wear costumes out of the house, the excitement when I take them to play real golf (not just the driving range), snowboarding with them down the hill in our neighborhood, going to Royals games, hiking to the top of a mountain in Oregon, dancing with them at my brother-in-law’s wedding, getting extra-large “Best Dad” mugs for Father’s Day, getting funny pajamas every year at Christmas or taking them to Worlds of Fun just to watch the shows, only to end up being tied up on stage during a country show (to the girls’ delight).
The joy on their faces when we got a new dog, watching them do gymnastics/dance/glee every week, seeing them try new things, watching them fail at some things and watching them have success at others, being the parent on-hand when the gymnastics coach asked if my youngest daughter would join the developmental program or being there when my oldest daughter won co-glee student of the year (I had to brag a little …), and most importantly, getting to discover their dreams and help try to achieve them: it is these things that have made this the best experience of my life – one that I would happily do all over again.
Eric Spangler grew up in Bethany, OK (Boomer Sooner) and came to Kansas City by way of William Jewell College. He has a B.S. in Psychology which he uses every day with his two daughters (Elizabeth, 7 & Stella, 4). He is married to his lovely wife of 11 years, Sarah. He is a sports enthusiast, especially when it comes to college football. He has recently started cycling and rode in the Tour de Beir in Kansas City in May. He has been working part-time at Hearthside Homes for a year and a half and couldn’t ask for a better company to work for. Of his past 5 years as a stay-at-home dad, he says, “I have learned more about myself and made more changes in who I am than I ever expected.”
