Four months after the birth of my fourth kiddo, and I’m still wondering where the heck my sex drive is. We’ve done the deed MAYBE five times, only once of which was where I actually didn’t have to force myself to participate in said act. I have NO sexual feelings right now. At all. When I found myself googling “how long after I have a baby will my sex drive come back?” and saw hundreds of ladies asking the same question, I figured it was time for me to share what I know about a sex life after baby.
- Postpartum hormones are a bizzo. For real. Those hormones that spike when you first get pregnant are the same ones that crash the moment your baby arrives. There’s some technical stuff behind that regarding estrogen and progesterone, but in a nutshell, I decided my sex drive flagged down my placenta, hopped on its back, and left the building the day my baby was born.
- Nursing turned my breasts into elbows. That’s right. Elbows. When my babe latched and I gave her my mama milk and the oxytocin was flowin’ between us, those suckers ceased to be even slightly sexual. I mean really… if the babe isn’t working on them then the breast pump is, stretching my nipples to lengths of which you’d never think possible. Not. Sexy.
- Nursing makes a lady as dry as the Sierra Desert. Because of that darn decrease in estrogen, vaginal dryness is pretty common, and undoubtedly makes me feel UN-sexy. Taking a trip down the grocery store for a bottle of lube along with my diapers and chicken breasts is a party in itself, but this is a MUST if I’m ever going to try to attempt to have sex. Plus it’s fun to watch the awkward 16-year-old boy employee blush when he scans my bottle of KY and pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
- I’m SO, SO, SO TIRED! Sleep deprivation has been used historically as an effective torture method. (Seriously… look it up!) When a new mama is awakened every 3 hours to tend to her wee one, it’s normal to find an increase in irritability, short-term memory impairment, and higher levels of depression. Plus, listening to the hubs snoring in a deep blissful sleep at 4 a.m. while I’m feeding the baby AGAIN makes me want to lock down that sex thing indefinitely.
- Foreplay ain’t what he thinks. Romantic dinner? A drink at the place we had our first date? Flowers and candlelight? Nope, not gonna’ cut it. The REAL way to get where he wants to be looks way different after having a baby. Now “Hey baby, let me change that poopy diaper!” and “Girl, why don’t you go take a bath while I watch the baby and get dinner ready?” will get him closer to being in the mood than any of his old moves.
After the sleepless nights, new blazing stretch marks, hormonal headaches, and leaky orifices, I know it’s common to not be in the mood for a little love makin’. So WHEN will my sex drive come back? This, I don’t know. But I do know this little snuggle bunny makes it all worth it. And as my mom’s doc told her after she had us, my husband will have to follow his advice and play coyote for a while. Lie outside the den and howl.
About the author: Kristi Wilson is the founder of Baby Love, KC’s Only Baby Fair.
About Baby Love, KC’s Only Baby Fair
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