Nurturing Your Introvert

introvert

I wasn’t long into my motherhood years the word introvert was first suggested to describe one of my children. With little understanding of this term, I had come to believe the myths – that introvert is equal to shy, wallflower and withdrawn; that introverts can’t be leaders. What I found, however, was a list of characteristics that suggest something quite different.

  • High concentration skills
  • Energized when alone
  • A rich inner life
  • A tendency to pause to consider before speaking or acting
  • Learns by observing others
  • Less interested in small talk but has a select group of close friends
  • Engages in creative and imaginative play

It’s hard to describe my relief and the softening of my heart as I realized not only were these descriptors not so bad after all, but they are actually highly esteemed qualities! In fact, the wisdom gleaned by an introspective nature appears to equip more than inhibit as is the case with famous introverts J.K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Gandhi and Jesus.

Researchers say introverts could make up only a quarter of the population. As the minority, it is understandable if at times, they feel different. It was with this new understanding of introverted personalities that I began to consider how this should impact my parenting approach.

Recognize
“Introversion is a personality trait (defined by C. G. Jung) where we prefer to relate to the world by first taking it “inward.” Our energy comes from within. Extraverts, on the other hand, are energized by direct interaction with the world, such as socializing.” (Source)

Taking this into consideration, parents of introverts may find play dates rather than play groups to be more rewarding for their children. It’s not that introverts don’t find friendships rewarding, they are just more likely to connect and invest in intimate relationships.

Additionally, make room in the schedule for space. Allow them to let their minds wander. Listening to music in their rooms, reading quietly or independent art activities can be necessary refueling activities. One activity therapists use for introverted children is called a “Heart Assessment.” Draw a big heart and on a separate piece of paper, brainstorm with your child various emotions. Create a color code for them. Then, have the child color in the heart according to the emotions they’ve been feeling. This can also be a natural time to ask them about what they are considering or creating. At the dinner table, our family takes turns sharing “highs and lows” from the day while making careful efforts to protect the introverts from being verbally trampled by the more extroverted.

Empower
There is confusion between introvertedness and shyness; at times, they may overlap. Introversion describes the practices and preferences in order to recharge. Shyness refers to a sense of tension and discomfort in social situations and can actually be quite painful to children. Implementing strategies such as social stories can help empower shy and introverted children alike. Writing a short story with your children about an upcoming social setting helps them process appropriate responses and behaviors that will be expected of them. (Source)

Role playing is another strategy we frequently use in our home. We take turns practicing meeting new friends, discussing conflict resolution and other uncomfortable social situations as well as nonverbal communication and body language. My children especially love when I pretend to be them and purposely do something silly or unexpected; having them “correct” my responses is a great way for them to learn to monitor their own. Another plus is that this can be done in the car on the way to social situations. Giving your children the tools to communicate appropriately allows them to feel prepared and confident in stressful situations.

Honor
The definition of the word itself uses words and phrases like “esteem,” “privilege,” “regarding with great respect.” In an age where sarcasm drips from social media posts and gleaning laughs and likes from our followers at the expense of our children’s dignity trends, how greatly would it revolutionize my relationship with my children as well as my own outlook on these years in the mothering trenches if I held my interactions with them and words about them to this standard? What if I ran the words I spoke about them through a filter of honor? What if I looked for ways to esteem them in the most meaningful ways each day? What if I sought out avenues to help them understand that I see my role as their mother as a privilege? What if I made sure I talk not only to them, but about them with great respect on social media, in play groups, on the soccer field and in the grocery line? What if I made efforts to communicate and demonstrate my dedication to them regardless of their performance?

In reality, there are just a handful of years where I am the primary source of input into my children’s lives. It won’t be long before teachers, peers and media will begin to more regularly feed my children’s minds as my role gradually dwindles. Inevitably, these new influences won’t always be the most positive or encouraging. Therefore, intentionally embracing each child’s unique giftedness is an urgent duty. Dedicating the early years to proactively nurturing each child’s innate and individual intelligence is the most grand responsibility as one ever receives.

It’s a privilege to raise my children so that they have confidence in the realization that not in spite of but because of their specific traits and strengths, as well as challenges, they are uniquely created as an intentional gift not only to me, but their world.

Allison French
Allison French is the mother of Ellie, Tristan, Judah and Lucy, living in south Kansas City with her hubby of eight years, Chris. After teaching elementary school in Blue Valley for six years, she established her photography business, Allison Corrin Photography and specializes in newborn and lifestyle photography. Passionate about soaking up the sweetness in the simple, she muses over the dirty diapers, noisy time-outs, piled-up dishes, read alouds, never-ending pile of laundry, and other everyday lessons of motherhood in her personal blog here. A good day for Allison would include getting up while it’s still dark (and quiet), a good cup (or two…or three…) of creamed-up coffee, reading one of the (at least three) books she’s always in the middle of, a little blogging, followed by a long run or dancing at her Jazzercise class and concluded with baking something sweet with her own sweetums … and then promptly chowing down.

3 COMMENTS

  1. Great post Allison! You’re experiences and insightful knowledge and advice for this personality type are such a valuable resource for everyone to better understand and appreciate introverts.

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