Peacefully Coexisting: A Lesson for My Young Children

 

I wrote the following post a couple of years ago. I professed to be fearless and nonchalant regarding the opinions of others, however, when I posted this and removed it from my blog within a couple days, I realized I was lying to myself. Although I’m confident in my personal convictions about religion, I didn’t want to be misunderstood. I was worried that people would judge my character based on my lack of spiritual beliefs.

Welcome to my first blog post for this amazing website! I hope you don’t mind that I’m unapologetically transparent.

August 2, 2016

I have considered myself agnostic for about seven months now. Recently, I registered my children to play in a soccer league at a local non-denominational Christian church. I visited the church last summer during a time I was in search of a new home church and the people were very friendly.

Before completing my children’s registration and payment I made a phone call to the individual over the entire league to ask if the league was open to families who weren’t members of their church. He assured me that it was very common for families who weren’t members of their church to register for their sports leagues. Relieved, I proceeded with the registration process only to find out that the division for my younger son was full.

At first, I thought, “maybe it’s for the best. Everything happens for a reason.” Maybe it just wasn’t for us, especially since we aren’t, you know, Christians. But my sons were really looking forward to playing so I made another phone call to ask about future openings. Long story short, my baby was put on the waitlist and is now on a team!

During “Meet the Coach” night one of the coaches asked if my son owns a Bible. I answered yes. My kids still have the Bibles that were gifted to them by their grandparents. He informed me that he plans to teach the kids Bible stories to encourage team building. I smiled and slowly nodded my head feigning approval. I knew biblical teaching would be involved in some capacity. It didn’t bother me. 

My oldest son (7) is aware of the fact that my husband and I do not subscribe to religious or spiritual beliefs. I don’t want him to blurt out, “we don’t believe in Jesus!” while the coach is praying, and it isn’t something I feel is necessary to tell the coach. My confession would fail to benefit my family or my son’s teams. The purpose of me signing my kids up to play is for them to learn and develop athletic skills and good sportsmanship, meet new friends, and overall, have fun.

The following week, on the way to practice, I discussed with my son that he would hear Bible stories that his coach and teammates believe are true and prayers for encouragement. I instructed him to focus on the important lessons that his coach is teaching through the stories like Marvel superhero movies teach him to be brave and courageous. He nodded in agreement. For prayer, I told him that it was his choice whether or not to bow his head and he doesn’t have to say, “in Jesus name, amen,” however, he should always be silent during prayers, out of respect.

August 5, 2018

Last school year, while my youngest son was in kindergarten there was a kid, we’ll call him Jake, that my son really liked. Unfortunately, Jake told my son he didn’t want to play with him anymore since he doesn’t believe in Jesus. The topic came up after Jake asked my son what church he goes to and my son replied, “I don’t go to church because I don’t believe in a God.” We encouraged our son to continue being friendly to Jake and focus more on the other kids who value his friendship and enjoy playing with him. My husband and I have always taught our children to give every nice kid a chance to become a friend.

At his age, he’s too young to fully comprehend the complexities of why my husband and I don’t believe. He doesn’t believe simply because we (his parents) don’t. Elementary school isn’t a good place to discuss controversial topics, however, I don’t want my children to feel as if there’s something wrong that they need to hide. I want them to be honest if the topic comes up.

Fast forward to the end of the school year… My son and Jake became best friends. Jake called my son on the phone multiple times over summer break. They were excited to learn that they’re in the same class this school year. I feel tears welling up my eyeballs and this is pretty long as it is, so I’m going to end it here. 

Do you think I should have handled the situation with my son and his best friend differently? What would you have said or done?

Britney
I’m Britney! I was born and raised in Kansas City, MO. My husband and I have three children. Two years ago we adopted our first fur baby, a handsome black lab. My active family loves spending time outdoors and going on road trips. After being a stay-at-home mom for 7 years I decided to rejoin the workforce part-time. I absolutely love being able to express myself creatively and over the years have become a serial hobbyist. My hobbies include photography, graphic design, DIY, blogging, creating YouTube videos, and reading too many interior design blogs. If binge-watching shows on Netflix is a hobby, add that to the list.

2 COMMENTS

  1. It sounds like you handled the situation really well, and it’s great that the kids have moved past that hurdle!

    We’re an atheist family, and have worked hard to teach our 2nd grader about being able to agree-to-disagree. She gets the concept and has used it at home with her brother, for example, but struggles with it at school where a couple of classmates insist to her that you have to believe in God. It can be tricky to navigate at this age because, like you say, they don’t fully understand or have the ability to articulate big concepts around faith.

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