My husband grew up on the other side of the world. We met during a summer job at Yellowstone National 
Park during college, and while our backgrounds and life experience were as different as they could be, we were like two peas in a pod. We connected almost instantly and through thick and thin, happy and sad, long distance and close quarters we’ve been going strong ever since. People have asked me from the beginning if the differences in language, culture, and religion are hard for us. But to be honest, both of us have always felt that at the core we’re more similar than different. It really just wasn’t that hard.
When we started a family though, that’s where things can get a bit complicated. Tradition is important. Families, friends and even other people all have opinions, sometimes emotional ones. You have to be a bit more intentional to make sure that in this blended culture that you are creating in your little family you are honoring all sides. We’re not perfect, we learn and grow and mess things up all the time; but here are a few pointers that have helped us so far.
- Experience your spouse’s culture.
This has really helped us. Whether your spouses culture is around the corner or around the world, having a little knowledge about it makes a huge difference. I have traveled to my husband’s country of Romania many times, visited the places near and dear to him, made friends, eaten the food, loved his relatives, immersed
myself as much as travel time and budget could allow. He in turn has made a much bigger effort, we live here and he has integrated into my home culture and family. This is incredibly helpful for both of us, because we understand (at least mostly) what the other person is talking about. I can help him pass some things down to our kids or we can recreate traditions together because we have both experienced them. - Talk openly about what is important to you.
Really, you don’t know until you talk about it. Is having dual language kids crucial to you? Talk about how that is going to happen. Who is in charge of what? Is traditional food important? What about music? Literature? Dance? What about big milestone occasions how do you handle those? How much of this do we really have control over anyway? These questions really need to be asked along with expectations of who does what. For instance I’m happy to learn tons of traditional Romanian recipes and serve them along side recipes from my mother and grandmother… now it’s probably not a good idea to put me in charge of teaching Romanian language, I’ll hold up the English side of that equation.
Traditional dancers at our Romanian wedding, several years after our American celebration. - Holidays are double fun!
Kids in multicultural families have it great when it comes to holidays because they usually get MORE celebrations! In our family we celebrate two Easters, both with their own distinct dates and sets of traditions. We celebrate St. Nicholas day early in December, and there are several other instances where we get MORE party time and or traditions than others. However holidays can come with a lot of pressure, relatives, friends, churches, and even random people have strong opinions about how and when to celebrate and they can be disappointed or discouraging that you’re not fully “in” either culture.
It’s important to keep talking to each other and making the best decisions you can for your little family. Realize everything is a compromise! Meshing two different cultures is a fun adventure, and creates a rich heritage for your kids, how awesome is that?
