My fifth-grader is ready.
I am ready, too. (I think.)
I understand that this is the way time marches on throughout our lives. It seems like the marching band of life is right on my heels. How about you, Mama?
A minute ago – actually, 5,992,845 minutes ago – I first started learning how to parent. Crazy! Just 288 days ago, I was learning how to parent a new fifth-grader. Well, we made it. Our 5th grade experience has had its mountain top moments and dark valleys to navigate. Friends change. Relationships are weird. Individuality is good and bad all at the same time depending on who you are with. Right now we are experiencing a rapidly ending school year with many field trips, special projects and his recognition night. It is really happening, mamas! I know that this is just the beginning. My Facebook feed shows me that others are hearing their own time-marches-on drum line. I am witnessing high school, college and master’s program graduations happening left and right – and those kids are someone’s whole world, too.
Can you hear the deep beat of a bass drum in your own time-marches-on band?
Maybe it is watching them sleep in their crib for the first time, surviving your first day back to work after maternity leave, or perhaps preschool graduation with full pomp and circumstance, mini robe and mortar board that is striking up your band. Hold on, mamas. It is coming at lightning speed. Amazement. Growth. Opportunity. Try not to hold on too tight. These littles need their room to stretch and grow.
But WAIT! Let’s get back to me and middle school …
The hard part about parenting at this stage is learning how to live in what I call the “gray.” For 11 years, I have not only raised my son, but I have been studying him. I used to know even as a baby what each cry meant or how much I could hold out before he would take a really long nap. I was in control of everything – and I was supposed to be. Now we are entering a new phase where he has to use what I have given to help him make his own choices. I need a big sign like this to remind me of what is ahead of me. What about you?
Parenting is no longer proactive or predictable. This last year has taught me that life is becoming more and more reactionary. I can’t predict tween mood swings, how his school day went or how much more negotiating I can be subjected to in one day. It isn’t easy anymore. The only black and white we have agreed upon is to do our best by each other.
In my new gray world, I wonder where I fit in to his new territory. So, I asked him. Yep – before going on a 5th grade class field trip last week, I asked him to help me understand what he expected from me on the trip. He looked at me puzzled and told me he was glad I could go. I thanked him and drilled down to the core question. I needed to know what I should do to not mortify him in front of his peers. He was glad I asked and we talked for a few minutes. He told me to be myself, which is pretty amazing because I am the mom who all his friends have seen dressed-up for theme parties for years and have been known to wear fake hillbilly teeth to get a laugh.
It is interesting to approach this new set of firsts. Instead of first steps, a first hair cut or a first word we will be experiencing a first crush, a first “I hate you,” a first real grounding, first orthodontist appointment and many more.
But I feel ready – mostly because I am not alone. I have friends who are re-learning parenting along with me, learning how to become observers of our children as they live their own lives. The peace that comes from knowing I am not alone on this new frontier strengthens me. Maybe I could start a movement?? (Please – notice the gray motif!!)
Most importantly, I have established a relationship with my son that isn’t based on assumptions, projections or fear. We have a relationship that is based on communication and setting expectations. For 11 years, I have been talking with – not at – my child. I have been preparing us for this new territory so he will know he is loved, informed, and that I am here to be a guide.
So, middle school – we are ready for you. We got this. See you when summer is over.
Kristin
PS – Click here to get your own Hillbilly Teeth! You won’t be sorry!