It’s not fair. I’m embarrassed to admit how often that thought runs through my head and it has nothing to do with me repeating my kids. It has to do with my husband. Whether it’s right or wrong, so often it feels like he gets to do more kid-free things than I do. Whether it’s going over to a neighbor’s house after the kids go to bed to hang out, a short out-of-town trip or a weeklong work trip, at times I find myself thinking that it’s just not fair.
But do you know why he’s able to do these things? Because he discusses it with me, makes plans and then does it. Crazy, right? He doesn’t always feel guilty about leaving the kids. He doesn’t feel guilty about leaving me alone with the kids. And honestly, the ability to make guilt-free, kid-free plans like that makes me jealous. I wish I could do that and not constantly be thinking about how long I’ve left them, if they are missing me, if they are behaving for my husband or the babysitter and if I will make it home before their bedtime.
What is that about? I realize I am generalizing here, but why are men more able to shield the guilt than women?
The guilt hangs around with me no matter what I’m doing. My job involves almost weekly meetings that happen at night that I need to attend. I feel guilty about that. I just went on a girls’ trip for two nights and I somehow still feel guilty even though it’s over and my kids had a blast while I was gone. I have an upcoming out-of-town work trip that is several months out and I’m already feeling guilty about that. It is crazy, especially because of how refreshed I feel after a day or two “off”. I know that it makes me a better parent in the long run but I just can’t seem to shake the guilt.
This probably seems like a big husband bashing blog, and I certainly do not mean for it to be that. I am truly just straight-up jealous that he knows how to ask for things he wants and then follows through with them. My husband does not make me feel guilty for spending time away from the kids. That’s something I handle all on my own.
And I should also mention that I definitely do not have it bad. Things could be a lot worse and I know plenty of Moms personally that have it much harder than I do. Do you see what I mean?
Now I’m feeling guilty about writing a blog post about guilt! Ack!