The Summer Checklist

How’s the checklist going, mama? You know the one. It keeps you up at night with “should have’s” “why didn’t I?” and “we forgot.”  It swirls around in your head haunting you that you haven’t done enough. It’s the checklist that, if we’re honest, determines our worth as mamas.  And whether we care to admit it, I would dare to say, we all have the “checklist.”

For the past couple of years, I’ve started creating a summer checklist. It entails all of the fun, adventures, and outings that will make this the best summer ever!  It’s the list that makes me the mom I long to be. The one who does all of the things, has an overflow of patience, and always wants to be with her kids.

Reality check:: I have two boys who are 6 and 2. They are a daily reminder that my ideal list is just about as real as Chewbacca.  But my inner critic and pursuit of perfection fuels me to keep the list alive. It’s usually right after the fourth of July when I start to panic with “I haven’t done enough.”

Last week I sat down with my perfectly curated summer checklist and cried. I even told myself I wasn’t going to make a list this year, or shame myself if the reality didn’t match my ideal. If I’m honest, this summer hasn’t really panned out as I planned. It’s been full of the unexpected trying to rain on my summer checklist parade.  The reality of our summer has been the death of a grandparent, a first trip to the ER with my littlest love that ended in five stitches and strict rules to “take it easy” (apparently they’ve never had an active 2-year-old boy), working more than I planned, sickness on vacation, and I could go on and on. As I stared at my checklist comparing it to reality, it hit me.

This list isn’t me.  

When I read some of the items on my carefully created checklist, none of them were things I enjoyed. This was a checklist full of things I felt like I was supposed to do, in obligation, so I could be the mama I so desperately wanted to be.  And if I’m honest the list made me feel like a dictator needing my boys to fall in line so we could get all the “fun” done. A bit ironic, huh?!  As the crocodile tears were running, my oldest snuck up beside me.

“Whats wrong, mommy?”  

“Mommy is just sad that our summer didn’t go as I planned, buddy.”  

He scooted in closer and grabbed my hand, “Mommy I’m having the best summer.  I’m having so much fun.”

“Buddy, we didn’t get to do a lot of things we planned on doing.”  

“Well, I did mommy. You jumped in the pool with me. And you took us on a fun adventure and got lost. That was so fun.”

The realization and truth hit me like a ton of bricks. Our kids don’t need a perfectly planned out summer. They just need us. Perfectly flawed as we are.  

Our kids are so quick to give us grace, but it’s the one thing that gets left off our list.  

As mamas we are usually so free to extend grace to all those in our world; except for the one who, perhaps, needs it the most- ourselves.  A beautiful thing happens when we give ourselves grace to be the mom we were created to be, flaws and all.

When we give ourselves grace, we give our precious kiddos the permission to be themselves.  

And that is the best thing we could give them this summer.  The permission to be them – authentically and unapologetically.  

For the rest of the summer I’m focusing on giving myself grace. I’m letting go of the “should have’s,” “could have’s,” and “not good enoughs.”  And I plan on watching my boys live in the permission and freedom to be who they were created to be.   

That afternoon, I tore up my perfectly planned checklist.  And I dare you to do the same.


Erika loves Jesus.  Her hubs, of 12 years, is the BEST human she knows. She adores her {two} sons; Axel (6) + Max (2). Erika + “the hubs” (Brian) are raising their little loves in the Northland of Kansas City, where they just recently moved back to help start a church, Discover Church—> God is wild!!  Erika is a dynamic speaker + writer. She has an affection for words. Erika has been known to laugh too loud, talk too much, and drink copious amounts of coffee. She lives life OUT LOUD!!  You can catch Erika in real time on ALL things social media, and to keep up with all things “OPP” visit her blog, We are the OPP’s:: Motherhood, Ministry and Other Random Ramblings. 

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