The Third Baby Debate

It’s true, plane rides, hotel rooms and restaurants are made for families of four. With two little ones, I have firsthand experience. There’s one arm for each kid to cuddle against during morning cartoons. I can focus on quality over quantity most days. My husband and I are playing man-to-man defense rather than zone to wrangle and discipline. We may draw straws for who gets the more challenging kid at bedtime, but there’s always one-on-one coverage.

Two kids. Two arms. Where would a third one fit?

I have heard lots of reasons why having more than two kids is a disastrous idea. My husband has a new one ready whenever the conversation arises! Reason being, we have reached a stage with our children where daily tasks and outings have become significantly easier. With a kindergartener and a three-year-old we can now drive longer distances in the car, trust them in the playroom while we make dinner and even bank on sleeping a full eight hours (most of the time). We’ve toughed it through the newborn stage, battled potty training boys and can finally take a deep breath without panic. Going backwards seems crazy, right?!? Not to mention, we have two healthy boys. Why press our luck? 

The truth is, I have never felt “done.” There wasn’t a stage of my last pregnancy where I knew this was it. I kept everything, knowing there was something in me that wanted to go for round three. As I was holding my youngest, rocking him through sleepless nights I always knew one day he wouldn’t be the baby of the family.

When I think of going through the baby stage again, I wince. Those days are trying. The thought of breaking out the bottles, nursing pads and play gym is daunting. Those moments, however, are a blip of time over the course of a childhood. I picture my Thanksgiving table years ahead and see it full. I can hear the belly laughs and boisterous rowdiness of today, with just much lower voices.

Despite being an introverted clean freak, I revel in the tornado left behind from two kids making forts and playing tag around the kitchen. I like the chaos. I like the idea of adding more. Yes, there will be less of me to go around. I will not be able to meet the needs of everyone all of the time. It will be challenging. But that does not overshadow the feelings of wanting another one.

Quite frankly, my husband doesn’t stand a chance with my other compelling reasons to have a third:

  • They will never be lonely. Siblings are our oldest and dearest friends. They can lean on one another during difficult times, call up when they need help moving and text when they need to complain about our parenting choices.
  • We will finally get our money’s worth out of the expensive stroller we had to have and the baby seat that is as sophisticated as a NASA space engine.
  • Gym memberships will be a thing of the past. We will get all of our cardio in simply from chasing, shuttling and cleaning up after three tiny Tasmanian Devils.
  • A newborn + 2 older kids is easier than a newborn + 1 older kid. Sounds counterintuitive, I know! My justification? Mom, army crawling through the trenches, will not be the only form of entertainment! With two older ones, there’s someone’s toy to steal, play make believe with or hair to pull. Boom.  
  • Never again will we have explain why we are late. Just simply point.
  • We are already pros at handling tantrums, simultaneous stomach viruses, food jags and bandaging open wounds. I mean, what is one more to add to the mix at this point?!?
  • Another child increases the chances that at least one of them will take care of us in our old age. With today’s nursing home rates, we need to bank on one of them building a tiny house in their backyard for us.

Jokes aside, we both know adding another child to our family could never be a mistake. Love grows exponentially with each little blessing. Stress is a state of mind. It’s simply a matter of asking, are we ready?

Well, I guess we will find out in August! Story to be continued…

Kristin Ruthstrom
Kristin is a Lee’s Summit suburb transplant, after living in the Brookside and Plaza areas for over eight years. Raising three young boys with her husband, Jake, has helped her to embrace the messy, wild side of life where love is expressed in bear hugs and body slams. Professionally, she can be found teaching classes as an adjunct professor in the areas of Business, Marketing and PR. She is able to provide her students with applicable, real-life knowledge as she draws from several years working in the corporate sector. “Free time” (ha!, what's that again?) is spent on an occasional date night to favorite local restaurants, reading blogs on everything from home design to politics, riding her sweet beach cruiser bike and thinking of ways to convince her husband to do yet another home improvement project.

2 COMMENTS

  1. I am in the same debate right now and everything you said was right on par!!! I also have a kindergartner and 3 yo and just can’t commit one way or the other on #3. It’s seriously day-to-day on which side of the aisle I’m on. Things are pretty good now with them being relatively self-sufficient and “starting over” with sleepless nights, 24/7 focus on milk production, diapers, diapers, and more diapers….just doesn’t sound fun. But we (I) kept EVERYTHING, I never had the feeling of closure like I was done, and I am awing over all the babies I see. So confused….

Comments are closed.