Why I Swayed

IMG_2178After I had three boys, knowing we would for sure be trying for a fourth baby at some point, a friend of mine – mother to four boys herself – gave me a book titled “How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby.”  She said in passing (and in good humor) how it didn’t work for her, but maybe I could take something away from it.

I read the book, finding it pretty fascinating but without learning more than I already “knew” about sperm and the differences between boy swimmers and girl swimmers. However, that didn’t stop me from at least trying the method as we headed into our attempt to conceive our fourth baby. As much as I adore my boys, it was no secret that I would have loved to have a daughter, but we were going to have a fourth baby to have a fourth baby – not to “try for the girl.”

Why we decided to try for our fourth kid as we moved into a new house was beyond me. As in, go-time was THE day of the move. I don’t think I need to say it, but … it didn’t happen as I had planned. Everything I planned to do, according to the book, didn’t happen; I/we totally messed it up. And just like *that… Baby Boy #4 was conceived.

After I saw yet another turtle up on that ultrasound screen, I allowed myself one day to “grieve” the daughter I would never have. I let myself cry, sob, and wallow for one day before I focused on all of the positives of having another boy in our family. I did just that and I got over it. And then, I got excited and was more than thrilled to welcome him into our world when the big day finally came!

When my little man was 18 months old, I had the itch really bad. I totally thought I would feel “done” immediately after I delivered my fourth, but I never felt it, even a year-and-a-half later. I brought it up to my husband; we had a short and serious talk basically ending with him saying that he was totally done with babies. But, I couldn’t shake the ache.

Not only could I not get over the fact that I felt like there was another little one out there, waiting to join our family, but I still yearned to have that mother-daughter bond. I dreamed about what our little girl could look like. I wondered about what it would like to have pink, ribbons, and ruffles in the house. I imagined my daughter in the future, and all of the moments we would share as mother and daughter. I envisioned my sons with their sister, and my husband with his little princess.

The only thing missing was her.

At some point, that got me thinking back to the book that my friend had given me; I didn’t have it anymore, though, so I took to our trusty friend, Google. In my searches, I learned all about this thing called “gender swaying.”

Gender swaying? What the heck is that?! In short, gender swaying refers to changing things in your diet, lifestyle, and baby-making (ahem) in order to change the chemistry of your (and sometimes your hubby’s) body in order for it to become more hospitable for one kind of sperm over the other. Just like there is an approach to the “perfect” way to conceive a baby, gender swaying takes it a step further to help you conceive that baby girl or boy that you’re desiring.

Clearly, my husband’s and my chemistry was awesome for making boys – and something needed to change that chemistry to make it good for conceiving a girl.  So, I read ALL there was to read, and then some, about “swaying pink,” or upping the odds to conceive a girl.

I learned way too much information about what some of these strangers on the internet had done, but that didn’t stop me from digging deeper and deeper, soaking up all of the information I could. Not only was I wondering if this stuff could really work, but it was completely fascinating to me! It was like learning about reproduction … on steroids!

Given my desire for another baby and my dreams of finally holding a daughter in my arms, my mind got carried away with thoughts, wonders, and worries. My brain was a jumble of new information, emotions, and fears.

After a lot of prayer and discussion with my husband, we decided to try to have our fifth and final baby (for real this time!) My husband knew what I had been researching, and he didn’t have to say it but he reminded me, anyway: this swaying business could totally not work. (Obviously, sweetie …) I was completely fine with that and I accepted that completely; I wanted another baby in our family more than anything.

No, we weren’t having another baby just to “go for the girl,” but if I could up the odds of having a girl, why not at least try? I knew that God had a plan for me, and I felt like there was a reason I didn’t learn about swaying until that point in time. I wasn’t trying to change fate or destiny; I believe it was my fate to learn what I learned.

So, I practiced my voodoo, as my husband liked to called it. I studied daily the things I needed to know about swaying pink. I joined a closed group of pink swayers online and made a bunch of new friends who sought the same thing as me. Go-time came, and I didn’t mess anything up.

DSC_6174cAfter four months of trying and swaying … we conceived.

Four months after that … I was shocked to see a hamburger instead of a turtle up on that ultrasound screen.

I got my girl.

Meredith R.
Meredith is wife to Eric and mommy to Jackson (10), Wyatt (8), Logan (7), Cohen (5), and Piper (2). She moved to KC in 2005, after being born and raised in St. Louis. Having graduated from the University of Missouri, she still finds it really interesting, and a little unsettling, that KU gear is sold in the stores right alongside all of the MU gear! Meredith wears many hats; not only is she a busy mom shuttling her kids to and from cub scout meetings and soccer practices, but she runs her own photography business, meredithrae photography, blogs over at My 4 Misters And Their Sister, and is also a labor and delivery RN who recently hung up the nurse’s cap temporarily to concentrate on taking care of her family while her hubby travels the world on business. She also likes to cook, bake, sew, decorate, craft, and even swing a hammer from time to time.

11 COMMENTS

  1. I think this is a topic a lot of women can relate to, myself included, having swayed twice for a girl after having two boys which God blessed us with two daughters! There is nothing wrong with the innate desires women have to connect with a daughter/son… If you have both, it’s difficult to understand how it feels to another mom who desperately desires that son or daughter she doesn’t have. Swaying for me was kind of fun:) I figured hey, if it doesn’t work then at least I can say I tried. Because whatever the outcome was it was MINE and I’d love it fiercely. Bravo to you for shedding some light on this topic avid congrats on your wonderful family!

    • Exactly, April! Whatever the outcome may have been, I was happy knowing that I did everything I could to help my odds. We were blessed with a daughter, but I would have been happy to welcome another darling boy into the mix. And I agree…swaying is kind of fun! It’s a challenge and pretty scientific, and so, so interesting!

  2. Wow. This is such a [expletive] post that I apst want to send it to my friend and fellow boymom who is a mom to 5 boys and I’m a mom of 4 boys. What the [expletive] do you mean by “i got my girl”?!! As if life is incomplete without a daughter?! I am pissed that you are belittling and making light of mothering ONLY boys!! I’m currently expecting my 5th and it has not ever occurred to me that it will be a girl. I am hoping for a basketball team to complete my brood. This 5th baby is not a planned baby but i truly am hoping for just a healthy and happy BABY!! I detest and resent that tou would make it seem “all fine and normal” that a person going for a 5th would just naturally be inclined to have the attitude that they should “at least try” for the girl. Really?!!! Do you think all moms are as shallow as you are? I love my boys and would not EVER change or hope for anything different. Especially a GIRL!! I wouldnt dream of giving your site extra tradfic by sharing this. And i wont be back. What a [expletive] group of writers and moms you have here and certainly not representative of KC moms. Enjoy those years of dance classes and shallow drama-filled friendships with your girl! [expletive]

    • I am so sorry that you feel like I am belittling all boymoms out there; I am still a proud boymom, myself! I love my boys with all my heart and I would have been happy with a fifth boy, if that is how things had turned out! There are even days that I am still sad I wasn’t able to use my next boy name that I had picked out!

      I am happy that you have never felt the sadness of never having a daughter like myself and so many other moms have felt before. But, I don’t expect every single person to understand what it’s like to feel that. Just remember that we are all different. Some women have no desire for a daughter/son. Some women don’t even have a desire for ANY children. Some women feel completely content with having one of each gender. And some women are sad that they don’t have the son/daughter that they’ve been dreaming of. And that’s OK. We can be different.

      Yet, we are all the same in the fact that EVERY mom’s ultimate hope, wish, and prayer is for a happy and healthy baby. (That should go without saying!) We ALL want that. It is the ultimate goal. And that was my prayer each and every day of my pregnancy, with ALL of my babies.

      Good luck with your pregnancy and delivery. I hope that you get a happy and healthy baby, and whichever gender you’re meant to have! Your basketball team will be filled whether it’s a girl or a boy taking that final position. 😉

    • Wow. That’s a lot of hateful energy you just expelled, and for what? Do you personally know Meredith? She’s a mother. Just like you. Who has honestly expressed her innate desire to know what it’s like to have that relationship with a daughter. There is no crime in that. There is nothing wrong with desiring it OR swaying the odds. She is not more powerful than God, nor does she believe herself to be. Ultimately, if she were to have a girl she would’ve. Did the sway do it? Who knows. “I got my girl”… Why is that so hurtful to you? Instead of attacking another mom for her feelings I think maybe you need to evaluate your own feelings. You obviously have strong feelings about anyone wanting a girl… It’s natural since you have all boys, to be protective of that relationship. But she did not say girls were better. Or boys are not enough. She simply wanted BOTH if she could. End of story. Your comment about the dancing and “drama” is just as offensive and narrow minded. I hate to see moms attacking other moms. Sad.

  3. I get it. I have 4 girls. I’m totally reading a bit more on the topic of swaying….As for the hater above, it’s ok if you don’t get it. Some people are wired differently than others. I must share that God has used my desire for a boy and his blessing of girl, girl, girl, and girl to point my heart to worship Him alone. Our hearts our fabulous idol makers. Our hearts are deceptive. We wouldn’t know the sufficiency of His grace alone if we DIDNT HAVE TO. God has shown me his great sufficiency and his fountain of joy in having disappointment and lack of contentment in earthly pleasures. We were made for more. And I am so happy He did, but He also gives us those desires for many reasons that may not fit my personal story. I am so glad you got your girl. May your treasure be in Christ as you praise him for that wonderful girl He so generously gave you!

    • Thank you for this comment, Andrea! The entire pregnancy, from TTC to swaying to the pregnancy and delivery itself, was a very spiritual experience for me. Good luck to you in your attempts for baby #5! Heavenly Father knows the desires of our hearts, and through faith and works, we will be blessed!

  4. What is the purpose for such a hateful reply? How can one be so quick to judge a stranger who is simply writing about her personal experience! I have 2 boys myself and love them with all my heart. I have always had a strong desire to have a daughter myself. I wanted a daughter to share all the same girly activities I did with my mother when I was growing up. I wanted the hair bows, dresses, dance classes, and drama! I am a fellow girl swayer! I wanted nothing more than to welcome my 3rd child as healthy and happy baby and I did just that! I swayed for the girl I had always dreamed of having and welcomed HER into our family 4 months ago. I would have been just as excited to welcome a 3rd boy as well. It was fun to “try” to have a girl knowing 100% it wasn’t guaranteed. Us swayers all feel the same way. It’s not that we aren’t happy having all boys or all girls, but we have the desire to have BOTH! Now I get to participate in the dirt, trucks, sports with my boys AND dance classes and shopping with my girl. I’ve for the best o both worlds.

  5. I swayed. I desired a girl. I also learned and opened my heart to the fact that having my own little “wolf pack” would be just as fun for me as having a girl. However, having a girl meant much more to me for different reasons. My mother was sick with lung cancer and she knew she was dying. Her desire was for my baby to be a girl. She openly told us that she knew that the baby was a girl and she was meant to replace my mother’s life. Sure enough, my ultrasound revealed a hamburger and I cried. A boy would have been loved and enjoyed but a girl was what God knew our whole family needed.

    Two weeks after my beautiful daughter was born my mother was told she didn’t have much longer to live and was put on hospice. My daughter was a comfort to me as she joined me while I stayed with my mother and became her home hospice care giver. They had special moments together. My mother did pass when Ady was 6 weeks old. I thank God every day that they got to meet eachother and spend time together here on earth. I see my mother in my daughter. Ady has my mom’s toes and round face. She is calm, sweet, and social like my mother. She is a blessing in my life just as my 2 boys are just in a different way.

    To Meredith’s hater: You don’t know Meredith and (I can only assume) many moms who swayed. I hope that you may grow to understand that women who sway boy/girl are not bad people or bad moms. It hurts that you would talk so meanly about having a daughter. I have two boys and I love them soooo much. My second is a total momma’s boy. I love playing super heroes, cars, and trains with both of them. Now that “I got my girl” I get to experience dolls, clothes shopping, and princesses. I get to do for her what my mom did for me. God knew that I needed a girl therefore “I got my girl.” I’m sorry that something in this post touched a nerve in you but I hope you can understand that expressing your opinion doesn’t mean you have to put down other people.

  6. I personally know Meredith and was so excited for her having a baby girl. I, too, desired a baby girl after 2 amazing little boys, simply because they are different and well…I don’t have to explain myself, I just wanted both so badly! We conceived a girl and I was beside myself with so much love and happiness. I know how it feels to want a baby girl or boy if you don’t have that gender. There’s nothing wrong with it and I don’t love my boys any less. I know how much pride you have in those little boys of yours. Thanks for all your swaying help!

  7. I read some swaying stuff with my first baby (I have 3 now) I had always wanted a boy. We did a small amount of swaying in the end and got a boy. Did it help? Who knows, who cares. You get what you get, but it was fun to ‘try’ 🙂 congrats!

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