After 34 years, I have finally learned to deal with the fact that all women judge each other. Whether intentionally or not, we do it. Sadly, I think it gets worse when you become a mom. All of a sudden, your little person seems to be a direct reflection of you as a big person (have a small child that wears a cape, snow boots, and mismatched clothes for 6 days straight and people WILL judge you…trust me.)
Other mom’s look at you, your friends look at you, younger women look at you (I’m sure it’s out of pity) and often times you look at yourself, and if you’re like me, you frequently think, “WOW, I’m a hot mess!!”
It’s in those hot mess moments that we need someone. A shoulder to cry on, an ear to bend, someone to hopefully look just as messy as we are. We need a person to set us gently (or bluntly) straight, to help stop the tears and calm the irrational fears.
I call that person my, “accountabilibuddy.”
My accountabilibuddy is the person I can go to when I’m mad at my husband. She doesn’t make excuses for him or remind me how much he loves me, NO! She’s right there with me, leading the crusade because he didn’t load the dishwasher the right way. She is the person I can go to when my children are just plain awful. She doesn’t tell me that her kids are 10 times worse than mine, NO! She’s yelling right along with me that yes, my kids are in fact out of control crazy! And when I call her to complain that a random mom made me feel awful, she is in her car ready to run down said stranger on my behalf.
An accountabilibuddy isn’t there to pass judgement, condescend or remind you of how good you have it. (I KNOW how good I have it…#blessed and all the feels) She’s just there to listen and say, “Yeah, I get it. You’re not alone.”
An accountabilibuddy is always there to build you up, give you strength or just be in misery with you. She’s the person who leaves random informational handouts in your mailbox because you might like them, she takes notes for you when miss Bible study because you need Jesus, she coerces you into doing virtual 5Ks with her (wait…what even is that?) You can hang out with her and not wear a bra, clean your house, or put on make up! She’s also the person that can bring you back to reality when you are acting crazy. “Yes Marsha, you could be considered a psycho when you yelled at your husband about how loud he eats his cereal.” (OK, but for real that spoon hits the side of the bowl like he’s playing the dang cymbals)
Ladies, everyone needs an accountabilibuddy. The one mommy friend that you are accountable to. The friend that can keep you focused on what in life really matters. She reminds you of your commitment to do what you do, and that you aren’t facing your wife and motherly challenges alone.
In this season of my life, I am thankful enough to have two accountabilibuddies. These women are my rock. They are hot mess moms just like me. They tolerate my OCD, they shut me up when I need shutting and light the fire when I need lighting. They encourage me to be the mom and wife that I am and always want to be. The hold me to my goals and do what they can to help me achieve them!
Tag your accountabilibuddy. Let her know you appreciate her. I wouldn’t make it through the day to day without mine!