When You’re Not Part of a Village

Village (and tribe) posts seem to be all the rage right now on social media. Have you noticed that? Clever memes, heartfelt blog posts, post from media outlets, and friends sharing stories and photos of their own “village” or “tribe” out for an evening, hanging out at a park together, sitting on someone’s back deck, etc.

Villages are great, but unless you live under a rock, you already know this. Your village will be there – ready with a shoulder to cry on, playdates to be had, babysitters in a pinch, and plenty of Girls Night Outs.

When You're Not Part of a Village

But what about those of us that don’t feel like we currently have a village? There’s a common feeling stirred up in us when we read/see another village or tribe post. “Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t I have this?!”

Are our lives incomplete because of the lack of said village? Are we worse off and missing out on all life has to offer because we’re not “in” a group of best friends?

When I spend too much time engrossed in social media feeds, I begin to think so. “Why can’t I find a group of girls to hang out with on a regular basis?” I begin to feel disappointment and sadness over my lack of a true village or tribe. Instead of remembering that I do have people I call friends, I dwell on the fact that I don’t seem to be part of a group. We all want to feel like we belong in a group of people, right? I mean, even Jesus had his own village!

Do you know what the truth is, though? Despite what’s currently trending on Facebook, we do not need to be part of a village. Yes – it’s always more fun to be included, but I’m going to bet 98% of you lead equally as wonderful lives as I do, and I would currently classify myself as village-less. We have food, a roof, and enough happy family moments to make me temporarily forget the times my kids behave like crazed, wild animals.

While my phone and inbox aren’t blowing up with invites to hang out (and I don’t mean for product parties), I have friends I could call on if I had a need of any kind. Those ladies would be there in a heartbeat for me, even though I know they’re parts of other villages.

So, village-less mama, if you’re struggling with the sight of other friends out with their villages, perhaps do what I do – visit social media a bit less often for a few days (or weeks), and focus on the beautiful moments you are a part of every single day. Talking with your spouse about more than household to-do lists, or gazing into the eyes of your baby (no matter how old that baby may be), or just sitting quietly next to the fire pit in your yard, listening to the sounds of the neighborhood, will do your soul a world of good.

Maybe someday, and someday soon, you’ll suddenly find yourself part of a village/tribe, and that will be great! If not, all is not lost – just soak in your own wonderful life.

P.S. If you’re in a village right now, you keep enjoying it and posting about it! Having found that special group of friends is wonderful and worthy of celebratory posts on social media!

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5 Responses to When You’re Not Part of a Village

  1. Diana...another KC transplant from the Northeast June 30, 2016 at 4:18 pm #

    Is it wrong to have no desire to be a part of a village? I sometimes wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I am perfectly fine not having a girls’ night out. Life is so busy, I’d rather spend time with my husband and kids. In the past I actually had a friend say to me with disgust, “Oh come on, Diana-you want to be with them 24-7?”. We all work, go to school, participate in sports, sleep…so, clearly, it’s not 24-7, but yah…I do want to be with them 24-7!

    • Helen Ransom July 1, 2016 at 9:14 am #

      Absolutely not! I think a lot of people fall into that, especially when life is chaotic enough with kids schedules and work schedules! I definitely have times in my own life when I’d rather have a quiet night at home with my family 🙂

  2. Elizabeth Dilts July 5, 2016 at 12:33 pm #

    Wow, I just read your profile and suddenly needed a nap–Triplets? a 4-year old? pregnant?? Your village is homegrown, sister!! Its the wonderful thing about lots of siblings–plenty of playdates are built in for life!

    • Helen Ransom July 6, 2016 at 8:28 am #

      Ha! Yes – never a shortage of playmates here, Elizabeth 🙂

      {And lest any rumors get started – I am definitely not pregnant! Whew! My 4 are enough 😉 }

  3. NicMama July 10, 2016 at 12:13 pm #

    Yes! I have definitely been caught up in the FOMO of not having that group of girlfriends, but I love being at home with my family! Glad I’m not the only one.